The Haut House

A Warm Winter

2012-02-03T08:26:00.002-04:00

Makes for lots of ideal days at the barn!

Happy Halloween... in January.

2012-01-24T21:36:00.003-04:00

WELL. Guess what?! I'm still as busy as ever! Go figure.

Last week did not help. Daniel scared the bejeebers out of me, having a horrible, dramatic seizure (lasting 15+ minutes) in which the EMS was called, firemen saved the day, and I was left feeling very blessed to have my little boy alive and well. I was grateful for a kind ER nurse and doctor, and the firemen who improved his labored breathing before being taken to the hospital.

Doctor appointments to the pediatric neurologist await us in early February, just to rule out a seizure disorder, but our best bet is a quick fever spike from a virus was the culprit. Terrifying, none the less.

So, let's look back at some happier moments from the fall. Has winter even arrived? Such a warm winter we have had! Hard to believe Halloween was almost 3 months ago, the weather has been so warm. (My wallet is thankful for low utility bills!)

We got to celebrate Halloween 2 times thanks to Miss Mara's costume birthday celebration the weekend before! (For those that don't know, Miss Mara...the witch pictured below ;-) has become a great friend this past year and is now Mr. F's new foster mom).

Sprinting into 2012

2012-01-13T09:51:00.003-04:00

Blog? What blog? Yes, I know posts are rare. And after receiving a beautiful hardbound copy of all my 2010 posts from my husband for Christmas, I told him, well, you may have to combine 2011 with 2012, because 2011 was a bit lacking.

I do have some backtracking to do with the holidays I totally missed, as well as a few everyday moments.

Now we are already two weeks into January!

So, here are a few major (and minor) happenings in the Haut House:

~ Today marks the halfway point of the kid's school year. Both Isaac and Lauralyn have new teachers (yup, my kids ran off their original teachers ;-) Lauralyn's new teacher happens to be one of my dear friends! Yay!

~ I am already thinking about NEXT school year! Currently, I believe Kristin will be attending Kindergarten at our local public school, which houses all the K and K-4 classes in our city. From what I understand, having all the K and pre-k classes in one building is working really well, and I have heard glowing reports of the school. This is where Kristin receives speech therapy every week. I am considering homeschooling Lauralyn for 2nd grade as she is excelling in her reading, writing and math. Isaac will remain at his elementary school where he will be receiving extra help for his reading/writing issues (I am fairly positive he has dyslexia, although the school never makes an official diagnosis). School has been good for Isaac in many areas developmentally. Daniel will remain home his last year of being a pre-schooler. I will be putting him in Tumble Tots twice a week which give him gymnastics class and a pre-school lesson/craft.

~ Today also marks the last day of a 14 month journey. Mr. F will be moving to another foster home (who happens to be friends of ours) tomorrow. While we love him as a family member, we know this move is best for our family and for him. He will be local, continue going to our church, and well loved in his new home! We will be seeing him frequently! God's mercy is so visible in all of this!

~ Noah and I will likely NOT be renewing our foster care license which will expire in June. In this phase of our life, we feel God is calling us out of fostering, but we may return to it once our kids are grown.

~ We are hoping to take a spring trip to Savannah, GA, to show the kids where we met and married. We haven't been to Savannah in over 5 years!

And for my personal resolutions for 2012:

~ Eat as vegan/natural as possible. Cut out as much sugar as possible, as well as processed simple carbs and dairy. Drink more water, less of everything else. I will make exceptions on special occasions, such as eating out at an expensive restaurant with my love... but I really am trying to feel better by eating better. I am one week in, and feel great!

~ Floss more... like, everyday if I remember. I am bad at this. My gums need me to floss a lot more.

~ Focus on being content with what God has given me. For so many years I have really focused on growing my family bigger. I have always wanted more children, and right now, I am finding contentment in the four I have been blessed with! Trusting God knows what is right for our family takes the pressure off of me trying to figure it out. Taking what comes day by day, and enjoying the present. Sometimes I obsess over the future so much, the here and now is ignored. Such a waste! I am trying to change that.

Well, this long post should get folks caught up some with all that is going on in the Haut House. We will always be busy. I am going to try to catch up on the happenings complete with pretty pictures, but no promises on when that will be!

Merry Merry

2011-12-25T19:42:00.000-04:00

She's 5!

2011-12-19T08:15:00.002-04:00

How can it be? Kristin is 5 years old today!

It has been 5 short years since God chose to bless us with this special child.

Unique, beautiful, and loved beyond measure.

Happy Birthday, my precious daughter!

Smitten

2011-12-02T23:06:00.002-04:00

Twenty-four hours in, and we are all smitten. He is such a great dog. Quiet, loving, and happy. He is calm, too, for being a big puppy.

I can't stop thinking about his sister (litter mate) who is in the pound now. She is on the chopping block so to speak... the powers that be have yet to deem her worthy of adoption. She was surrendered by the same former owner of Jackson, but for whatever reason, he surrendered her a few weeks after Jackson.

Hmmmm. We could totally handle 3 dogs, right? Hint, hint, dear husband of mine ;-)

Jackson

2011-12-01T22:32:00.003-04:00

Adopted today! We are all adoring him... well, look at him! What's not to adore? :-)

2011-11-23T09:08:00.004-04:00

Dear Judah,

If I had it my way, I would be sitting in a hospital bed, counting your perfect fingers and toes, marveling at your sweet face, comparing you to your siblings.

If I had it my way, I would not have experienced the overwhelming grief over losing you. A grief that took over my being and would not stop tormenting me.

If I had it my way, I would have been able to replace you with another baby. Immediately. Instead, I wonder why, why God has closed my womb, and why God chose to take you away before I could meet you. I had waited so long for you, and then you were gone.

I won't understand God's plan until we are reunited one day, and I can see the tapestry clearly.

This has without a doubt been one of the hardest years I've faced, losing you. Every day it seemed I learned of another friend or acquaintance expecting a baby. Salt in the wound repeatedly... why did there have to be a baby boom this year? Blessings abound for others, while it seemed all I faced was loss. Two old friends gave birth to babies this very week. I should be posting your picture online, celebrating and rejoicing as they are.

The blessings have come, though. God did not leave me without a life preserver. Two friends who have walked the path of infertility and loss. I was not completely alone in my grief, knowing they understood. They understood how insensitive words spoken by well meaning (and often clueless) people could sting for days. How one could be so devastated at a "miscarriage" when the house is already full of children.

God has renewed my purpose, my hope, and reminded me that I am blessed with 5 incredible children, a faithful, strong husband, and loyal friends. God gave me the horses, when I was felt all hope was gone for joy in my life. This in no way negates how much I miss you, but it gives me reason to be thankful and rejoice in God's graciousness to me.

It has been a 9 month journey, starting with the joy of you, and ending, now, knowing you should be here, but instead wait for me in Glory. I have peace. Granted, things haven't happened the way I wanted, and seeing other people enjoy their sweet babies makes my heart ache. However, there will be a day that the broken will be restored, the dead brought to life, and our perfection will be made complete through the One who loves us most. I look forward to that day.

I love you, Judah.

~ Mama

I'm BACK! Back in the Saddle again.

2011-11-20T09:48:00.005-04:00

Yes, the Aerosmith chorus runs through my head, hence the title.

After that wonderful anniversary weekend, I came home bound and determined to make riding apart of my life again. Horses have always been a big piece of who I am, and they have been missing from my life for a good 6 years. I stopped riding and instructing once Lauralyn came on the scene, and at that point I was 100% happy to be a full time mom.

Mothering is also a big part of who I am, but lately, it has felt like that was my entire identity. Starting my photography business has helped my creative needs, but something was still missing. I tried to take up jogging. While it was great for my endorphins, let's face it, a runner I am not. It border lined on torture or at the very least annoying.

In my searching, I found a nice barn, which actually has nice horses (not your typical half dead lesson horses). I have been taking lessons with the part time instructor who comes from Greensboro, mostly to help knock off the rust and get me jumping again. In between, I am able to ride as often as my schedule allows, teach a homeschool riding class to help cover my expenses, and use of the horses/ponies to teach my own kids to ride!

The facility is very nice. Nicer than any of the barns I have been to since leaving Farewell many years ago.

The horse I have grown quite fond of is a lovely mare named Abigail. She is really a perfect ride for someone like me. Complicated enough that I don't get bored. But she won't stop at a jump (I really have no desire to come off in my old age haha), and she is quiet enough to let the kids get on in the round pen. She has a rocking horse canter to die for... making the Arabian proverb come to life: The wind of heaven is that which blows between a horse's ears.

Here is a pic of Abigail... with someone else riding. I am smitten.

I am rotating the kids' turns out at the barn. On Tuesdays I take Kristin and Daniel. Kristin is my little rider. She would ride for hours if I let her. She even rides bareback without fear. Daniel lasts about 2 minutes and only will ride behind Kristin because he likes someone to hold on to. But, he talks about riding and going to the barn for the rest of the week.

Isaac is another natural. He loves being in the saddle, and has even asked for paddock boots and half chaps! (Much to Noah's dismay... he thinks English riders should all be girls, even though half of the big time riders and trainers are men, who make good money doing it).

Lauralyn enjoys going to the barn, but has more fear of riding, and doesn't stay on long. She really likes spending time with the animals, though, and is great at grooming the horses. As time goes on she may enjoy riding more.

I am feeling so blessing and thankful God has given me the opportunity to fit right into an ideal horse situation. It is far better than anything I expected to find, especially just a 15 minute drive from my house.

How can it me the middle of November?

2011-11-17T08:26:00.003-04:00

Fall seems to rush on by. I suppose with it being my "busy season" with the photography
business, I simply go from one photo shoot to the next and life zooms at warp speed.
Christmas is in less than 6 weeks!

Here is our current life in bullet points:

• School is going well for all.
• I have started riding again.
• I am teaching a homeschool equestrian class.
• I am also teaching our kids to ride.
• We recently celebrated having Mr. F in our home for 1 full year.
• Next week we'll celebrate Mr. F's 14th birthday.

Beyond that, life continues to march on.
AND I actually got our Christmas card done already!
That is quite an accomplishment if I do say so myself.

Flashing Back... just 2 years.

2011-10-21T09:01:00.002-04:00

Saw these and just couldn't get over how in just 2 years, my babies have grown up so much!

I remember he posed for this and asked me to take his picture :-)

Soccer 2011

2011-10-20T17:30:00.002-04:00

This fall we took a break from baseball, and 3 members of the Haut House hit the soccer field.

Noah is coaching a YMCA team that both Isaac and Lauralyn are on.

Noah is also participating in an adult soccer league with some friends.

Both Isaac and Noah enjoy soccer... Lauralyn is another story.

I'm pretty sure we can cross soccer off her list of future careers (or hobbies for that matter).

But she is really cute prancing around the soccer field, avoiding the ball at all costs.

(This is one of the 1st and last times she got near a ball at a game ;-)

My guess is, we will have another soccer player in our family... but for now, the ball makes a decent pillow.

10 Years

2011-10-19T07:57:00.002-04:00

Yes, we are still here. My lack of blog activity is a direct result of the busyness of the season. I do have some posts to catch up on... including the fact we celebrated our 10th anniversary a couple of weeks ago!

For 10 years we have been married. For 10 years we have lived in our house. Ten years sort of went by in a flash. I assume the next 10 years will be even quicker, which is slightly scary.

God has accomplished a great deal in our lives these 10 years. Growing us, stretching us, challenging us, blessing us. An abundance of blessings really, peppered with the occasional heartache. Plenty of character building, many lessons in loving one another and perseverance.

Ten years ago, I don't think I understood love. Or sacrifice. Both of these things came gradually in marriage, and went warp speed once children entered the picture. Love and sacrifice... living out the gospel at home (however living it much less gracefully and selflessly as I aught).

For our anniversary, we went away for 3 nights to a guest ranch in Georgia. The first long weekend trip without kids since Isaac came along. It was wonderful. And my darling husband was kind enough to give me a trip where horseback riding was a twice a day activity. (He actually really loved it).

Thank you, Lord, for giving me a marriage beyond my greatest dreams. A husband who is faithful, kind, generous, and even a little humorous... a man who loves me despite my craziness and selfishness. Thank you for blessing us with supportive extended family, and 5 children to love and hold on a daily basis. For giving us friendships and a church family that makes this small town home, a home we savor and enjoy. God, guide our steps as we set out on our 11th year, please continue to protect our marriage from apathy and discontent. Set our eyes on You and purpose us for Your glory. Amen

It's been a roller coaster ride.

2011-09-30T20:42:00.005-04:00

Three weeks of "real" school have flown by.
And it has been a roller coaster of ups and downs
for all of us as we have adjusted to a new normal.

The first 2 weeks were pretty hard, I'll admit.
Isaac struggled, Lauralyn struggled, and in turn, I struggled.
The kids simply weren't used to being away from me for such a long period,
day after day.

Being in a class full of strangers didn't help.
Learning a new routine, rules, etc.
Making new friends.

But this week I have seen a huge improvement.
Granted, they still aren't thrilled about getting on the bus at 6:50 a.m.
(I can't say that thrills me either...I could use a little extra sleep).
They have both made friends in their classes, which is great.

I have spent a good bit of time in the school, helping in their classes
and having lunch with them.
This week, I took the 2 little ones with me to have lunch dates with both kids.
It's a pretty inviting school, and I have really enjoyed getting to know both classes.
The kids all seem very sweet.

Isaac will hopefully soon start the process to get extra help with reading and writing.
His teacher is so warm and positive... such a great cheer leader for Isaac.
She agrees he needs more help than the average kid, which of course I already knew.
He is so bright, I hate to seem him frustrated with reading.
Thankfully, math has not been a problem.

Lauralyn has struggled more with separation from me
a lot more than I thought she would.
I miss her as well, but I enjoy seeing her grow in blossom
in a new environment.
She has a natural thirst for learning, and I am tickled to see her
improve her reading and writing.
Her teacher is impressed with Lauralyn's "above grade level" math
and her impeccable handwriting :-)

I am feeling better and better about our decision to enroll them this year.
The guilt is subsiding.
I love spending extra time with Daniel and Kristin.

I have begun to teach Kristin to read.
Such a neat thing to hear a child read her first works.
She also has perfected writing her name.
I plan to do more advanced pre-school lessons as it gets colder
and we can't be outside so much.

Daniel is super crazy. Crazy smart, crazy cute, and crazy into everything obnoxious.
His energy drains me. And his rebellious nature can be overwhelming.
But man does he ever make up for it in charming cuteness.

Mr. F still is here. Plans are always changing in foster care.
Right now, it looks like he may be here a long time... fine by us!
He is in 7th grade and doing so much better this year.

As the pictures show, I took Isaac and Lauralyn to the county fair last Saturday.
I "ran" my first 5k that morning, went to the Richard Petty Museum with my dad
(who also did the 5k)... then the fair. I was SOOO tired that night. My feet were screaming.

They had a ball at the fair. Ride after ride.
I splurged and got them a funnel cake.
Okay, I got myself a funnel cake, but I did share.

Despite my screaming feet, I had fun watching them enjoy one another's company.
We don't typically partake in these events, so it was a new experience for them.

And I of course couldn't resist taking some fun photos. The colors are great for photography.
This concludes my novel of a post. At least I had lots of pictures to make it interesting!

Last Day on the Beach

2011-09-27T07:10:00.000-04:00

Until next year....

Fun For Kids, Dinner For Mosquitoes

2011-09-26T07:07:00.000-04:00

Hole in One!

$4 = an evening of fun

2011-09-25T07:03:00.000-04:00

Undeniable

2011-09-24T04:54:00.000-04:00

The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Psalm 19:1

More Beach Fun and One Ugly Fish.

2011-09-23T10:44:00.003-04:00

On the Beach

2011-09-16T08:40:00.002-04:00

This isn't great photo, but it's the only one that shows one of the dolphins and the huge school of fish they were chasing.

Here Comes Trouble

2011-09-15T18:16:00.002-04:00

Beach Adventures 2011

2011-09-15T08:29:00.002-04:00

-----------------------------------------------------------

When you ask a 3 year old boy to smile for the camera, this is what you get:

School

2011-09-14T08:04:00.006-04:00

It has begun. Isaac and Lauralyn are attending our local public elementary school... and I am overwhelmed with mixed emotion about it all.

On one hand, I am excited for them to experience a classroom and traditional school environment. I loved my early elementary years. I looked forward to school each year. I am glad they will make new friends and this truly is a boost for their independence.

I feel some relief as being 100% responsible for their education is daunting and even exhausting at times. I will be able to spend more time with Kristin and Daniel, instead of pushing them away and telling them to BE QUIET so the other kids can get their work done. The homeschool juggling act is hard (although rewarding as well). But with Isaac's needs, I am happy he will Lord willing get the help he needs to improve his reading and writing.

However, I certainly have pangs of sadness and even a little guilt. I miss my kids. And Isaac spent the night of day 1 crying himself to sleep, "Mommy, I miss you. Mommy why can't you be my teacher. Mommy I get homesick." I know he is scared and he also is a mama's boy at heart. But part of me knows that sending him on to school will help his confidence and loosen his reliance on me. I hate it. He is my buddy and I hate to see him upset. Thankfully he has gotten better as the week has gone on. The bonus is the fact his teacher is really, really GREAT. She is perfect for Isaac, sweet, loving, and a big encourager.

Lauralyn got a teacher that was my second choice for her. She comes highly recommended by all the pool moms, and when I asked Lauralyn what her teacher was like, she said, "She is really energetic." HA! Funny girl. Lauralyn is doing fabulous, enjoying every moment. So far, the bonus is Lauralyn comes home wanting to play school with Kristin... maybe she can teach K to read and I'll be off the hook. Heehee.

More updates to come. I am hoping I can spend at least one hour a week in both classrooms volunteering and therefore getting to know their teachers and classmates.

Holden Beach

2011-09-12T08:35:00.002-04:00

We got back Saturday from a long trip to Holden Beach. It was pretty great. Plenty of things to catch up on and post... Isaac and Lauralyn started their first day at school today. SO hard to leave them in a classroom full of people we don't know. Their teachers seem pretty fabulous, though, and I have peace about this school year not taking place at home.

Today is a day for CLEANING though. Unpacking and clothes sorting. And maybe some fun with my two pre-schoolers.

Sink or Swim

2011-08-13T21:30:00.004-04:00

One would assume from the title, and the pictures, that this post is about our wonderful summer at the pool (which it certainly has been).

But, no. This is the post that I tell my 3 blog readers our lives are going to change in about a month. Unless something drastically changes, this will be the year we enroll our first born in... wait for it... PUBLIC SCHOOL.

Honestly, I never envisioned public school a viable option for our children. It was plain scary, and still is to some degree. Isaac has needs I just don't feel able to meet... and if I put all my time and energy into meeting his educational needs, there will be nothing left for the rest of my family or the house.

God has given me great peace. I am so sad to think of ending this chapter to start a new one... but in a year or two, who knows, he may be hitting the books once again at the kitchen table.

And while he was struck with great fear upon learning of his pending enrollment, Isaac is getting excited. I am dumbfounded. He will ride the bus with his little neighbor friend, Jay. He may get into a class with some swim team buddies. Tonight (even though school for him is a month away) he was PACKING HIS BACKPACK. His new uniforms are being washed.

Monday, Noah will meet with the principal, and tour the school. I met with her and looked at the school a week ago with the kids in tow and was caught off guard with how helpful and kind she was towards me. Wednesday, Isaac will start his testing that is the first step towards getting him the special help he needs with his reading troubles.

Of course, we planned a first ever 2 week beach trip the first weeks of school. Isaac will be enrolled late to avoid excess absences. And there is a small question mark with Lauralyn. I had decided to keep her at home (after all she is so very easy to teach). But she has been begging to go to school and I know it will pain her to see her brother go off on this "grand adventure". There is one first grade teacher who I know is a Christian and who I think Lauralyn would love. She and her husband own a local coffee shop, and they are very pro-missions and adoption... she has a heart for children.

We'll see what happens.

Our kids are growing up. God is using them to grow me up in some painful ways. Realizing these sweet children are going to be adults in a short amount of time. Knowing the decisions we make for them will impact them for life.

I am optimistic about this year of change. May God bless us as were seek His will.

Cowgirl Princess

2011-08-12T14:05:00.002-04:00

My Lauralyn.

She is strong.

She is creative.

She is opinionated.

She is smart.

She is funny.

And I thank God she is mine.

Little Artist

2011-07-31T08:47:00.004-04:00

While listening to Mr. JJs mini sermon on Sunday morning (camping weekend), Kristin was ripping up a napkin. I didn't pay any attention to what she was doing, until things wrapped up and I looked down at what she had done.

I love how her mind works! I am looking forward to teaching her this year, it will be an adventure indeed.

The "Worthless" Boat

2011-07-30T10:07:00.002-04:00

Earlier this year, Isaac saw an inflatable boat at Wal-mart and begged to buy it with his own money. I told him it wasn't a wise purchase because he wouldn't have an opportunity to use it anytime in the near future... so he bought roller blades instead.

Fast forward to the week before we went to Hungry Mother. Aldi had a nice 2 person inflatable boat with oars on sale that week for $25, and I decided to be a nice mama and surprise Isaac with the boat, knowing Hungry Mother had a good place to use it.

Isaac was ecstatic and a little obsessed about wanting to blow it up as soon as we arrived to the camp ground. After bringing him back to earth, and an hour of unsuccessful inflation on his own, Isaac waited for the help of friends the next day.

Noah had joked that the purchase of the boat was a $25 pain in the neck, and wouldn't get any use. I beg to differ... I think the boat earned its keep that weekend alone:

Hungry Mother State Park 2011

2011-07-28T17:20:00.002-04:00

We went camping a couple weeks ago to Hungry Mother State Park in VA. Even though it rained the first part, it cleared up enough for us to have a great time with 3 other families. Here is a glimpse:

I can't believe I forgot.

2011-07-22T16:33:00.003-04:00

I know we were busy. We weren't even home. There was a wedding to attend. But until a few minutes ago, I TOTALLY forgot about Daniel's "Gotcha Day." The anniversary of the day we were called; the day I laid eyes on my son who hours before I did not know existed. July 2, 2008.

What a wonderful blessing Daniel is to our home! Three years have flown by.

Thank you Lord, for the gift of our son. Make him a mighty man who has a passion for loving others and compassion for those in need. Guide all his steps, and give him strength and courage in all things. Use him for Your glory. Amen.

Water Fun

2011-07-22T11:37:00.002-04:00

A couple of days after we got home from Texas, we drove to Burlington to Noah's co-worker/friend's house. They have an awesome pool in their neighborhood! Brandon and Meghan treated us to a delicious dinner, and then I got to take some maternity photos for them. Can't wait to meet Baby B in August!

In Texas... (final post. finally)

2011-07-20T09:43:00.003-04:00

... we had an overall wonderful time! More time spent with family we rarely see. Lots of laughs. Boot shopping for Noah. Driving the Smart car (hysterical). A double date with Ruthanne and Hunter to a very nice restaurant. Grandparents spoiling grandchildren. What a GREAT trip! Thank you Nanut and Grandfather for hosting us!

I love this picture. So much more interesting than a standard "smile at the camera" shot.

In Texas...

2011-07-20T08:34:00.003-04:00

... we did lots of driving. Houston is huge. We are spoiled by our small town living. The area Noah's parents live in is very nice and has plenty of nearby shops and activities. The Houston area is very crispy right now with a serious drought taking place. Trees dying everywhere you look. And one thing that I think of at the mention of Houston... CONCRETE. Everything is beige, and concrete. Makes sense with the extreme heat, but I was happy to return to NC, lush with green and plenty of contrasting colors.

In Texas...

2011-07-19T12:54:00.000-04:00

...we listened to the Houston Symphony play and the finale was the 1812 Overture by Tchaikovsky. Real cannons. Daniel's new favorite thing is the "boom boom song." He LOVED the symphony.

(And Kristin is fearless when it comes to giant animals.)

In Texas... (the wedding, yay!)

2011-07-18T14:44:00.003-04:00

...we went to a wedding. I took pictures. Here are just a few.

In Texas...

2011-07-18T14:15:00.003-04:00

... we ate lots of fancy GOOD food and drank lots of fancy GOOD drinks. This was just one of the delicious gourmet meals Grandfather treated us to.

In Texas...

2011-07-18T13:16:00.003-04:00

...we hung out with family at Aunt Dewey and (soon to be) Uncle Hunter's new house, the day before the wedding.

In Texas...

2011-07-18T13:04:00.001-04:00

...little helpers made "pampakes" for breakfast.

In Texas...

2011-07-17T23:05:00.002-04:00

... we played Nanut's instruments!

In Texas...

2011-07-16T13:21:00.000-04:00

We said....

"YEEEEE-HAW!"

(Thank you Grandfather for outfitting the kids with new cowboy and cowgirl gear!)

In Texas...

2011-07-15T13:11:00.001-04:00

... fun bikes were ridden...

A Trip

2011-07-12T12:46:00.002-04:00

c

Last week we flew on a plane.
Stayed away for 5 nights.
Had lots of fun.
And made lots of memories.

Can you guess where we went?

Okay, okay, most of you know anyhow.
We lived it up in Houston, Texas!

(more to come)

A Wet Weekend

2011-06-22T11:45:00.003-04:00

Noah and the 3 older kids spent this past weekend camping with friends in Bryson City, NC. I stayed home with the little two because we felt they weren't old enough to go tubing. I'm glad I stayed home after hearing about the storms and mass amounts of rain they faced. To see more about the trip go here. The photo of the tent sitting in a puddle was our tent. Again. It was a good weekend to stay home with Daniel and Kristin. ;-)

From One Thing to the Next

2011-06-18T08:40:00.005-04:00

Out kids are getting to the age of going from one sport season to the next... our schedule seems to revolve around practices, games and meets. For now, it's a good thing. In the future, when we may have multiple kids playing multiple sports... we'll have to pick and choose a bit more. However, because we homeschool, I really love that my kids can have these extra curricular activities to build a team mentality, sportsmanship, and relationships with children they wouldn't otherwise know. Not to mention gain a skill and have fun!

Baseball this year seemed to last forever. They started practice in March, and the Championship game was played June 10. So, we had over 3 months of lots and lots of baseball! Isaac was on the DT Firecrackers this season, along with best buddy, Jefferson. A few of the boys had been on some of Isaac's past teams which was nice. The Firecrackers won the Rookie Championship for the county, only having one loss the entire season!

From baseball we move directly to swim team. The swim season always seems rushed and chaotic. This year is no exception with a huge team of 90+ kids, making practices pretty crowded. I am thankful Isaac and Lauralyn were able to work some over the winter and spring at the Y with a local coach (Miss Edie) who also happens to be the wife of the Dr. who delivered 3 of my babies. Their strength and improvement has proven itself already. At the first meet, both Isaac and Lauralyn won the extended freestyle (50 meters or 2 laps) for their age groups. We left before finding out any other results, but I am guessing more ribbons were won in other events. I am so pleased with their hard work and desire to do well. And they both said that they've had a lot of fun.

So, enough of the boring...on with the pictures!

Daniel is 3.

2011-06-14T07:22:00.003-04:00

On June 3rd, Daniel turned 3. The goof ball reminds me regularly (when he wants to
do something by himself), "I older now. I three." He was gearing up for his birthday
for MONTHS. After all, it's hard to watch sibling after sibling have a birthday, and yet
have to wait for your own! Challenging concept for a 2 year old. But now he's THREE.
Amazing how things can change in 3 short years!

Technically, 3 years ago, I was unaware of his existence. That is one oddity of
adoption, the whole not being there for your child's birth... not being aware of your
child's birth. But am I ever glad he was born! And am I ever blessed to have been
given the gift of mothering him!

If there are people out there that wonder if loving an adopted child is different than
loving a biological child, I can attest that there is no difference. The theory of "blood
being thicker than water" hasn't got a foot to stand on.
That is the beauty of adoption.

Happy Birthday Daniel! You are such a blessing to our family!

The Hardest Part of Being a Foster Parent.

2011-06-04T20:08:00.005-04:00

How will I survive,
Giving one last hug,
Driving away,
Wondering if I will ever see him again.

How will I survive,
Our childrens' deep loss,
Saying how it doesn't feel right,
Without their big brother.

How will I survive,
Walking back into our home,
Going through his bedroom,
Without falling apart.

How will I survive,
Not knowing if he's loved,
Knowing if he's safe,
Simply not knowing.

How will I survive,
Going from 5 to 4,
Feeling like someone is missing,
Because he is gone.

How will I survive,
Saying goodbye?

The Ride Home.

2011-06-02T14:48:00.002-04:00

Lovely Things.

2011-06-02T14:41:00.003-04:00

Searching for Salamanders

2011-06-02T14:33:00.002-04:00

Not only did we have fun, little did the kids know they were also getting a nature lesson!

I know I'm not supposed to post picture of the boy above...
but we love him to bits and will miss his sweet face.
At the end of the month, he will be moving to his uncle's in Arkansas.
We will have a hard time adjusting to life without him...

The "Wild" Ponies.

2011-06-02T08:11:00.004-04:00

Why, yes, we did narrowly escape several citations from the VA po-po. Oops.
(We didn't go over 15 m.p.h., but apparently having 22 people in/on a truck is
frowned upon none the less.)

Yes, that would be my Kristin stopping to smell the roses (or pick the buttercups
in this case).

Stopping to enjoy the awesome views.

Guess who zonked out literally 10 seconds into the hike.
He took a 30 minute power nap in the back pack.

Who needs a pack mule when you have Super Daddy to do the job?

Then came the pony hunt! Success!

We went on to play with two young mares, and stopped to rest.
These ponies were more like big lap dogs than wild equines.

Above, is Fabio... the Baby Daddy of the herd.

A few of us were the, ahem, slower ones of the group...
which totally worked in my favor because we got to see a newborn on our trek home!

This little guy was quite curious about my camera. He kept nickering at me,
wanting to play.
I got a quick touch of his velvety nose. Heaven on earth in my opinion.

There were several mares about to pop. I can totally sympathize.

And thus concludes our wild pony adventure. I think we all had a great time.

Grayson Highland State Park

2011-06-01T21:59:00.002-04:00

We went on a 3 night camping excursion to Grayson Highland State Park in Virginia this past weekend. What a wonderful way to spend a weekend... family, friends, and enjoying perfect weather in God's creation. I have plenty of photos to post over the next few days, and I have to say, the wild ponies (or not so wild ponies) soothed my soul. There is something about the smells, sounds, and feel of a horse... even if they weren't for riding.

Isaac Turns 8

2011-05-22T22:40:00.002-04:00

A "deer hunting" cake was requested...
what better place to find such a cake than Wal-mart?
I typically make our kids' cakes, but this year I thought I'd take a break.

Isaac was pleased, as you can see.

My beautiful baby boy... how is it possible you are 8 years old?

Grandad came for a relaxing weekend visit, always a treat to see him and Coco.

The day ended with our traditional dual birthday date, just him and I,
shopping and part-taking of a slab of ribs at Texas Road House.
Birthday money spent on a nice pair of roller blades.

Smiles and love all around... I love you my precious one. Happy 8th birthday!

Gun Control

2011-05-18T09:27:00.003-04:00

She's the cutest gun toting gal in the east. Even on a bad hair day.

In Training

2011-05-18T07:00:00.001-04:00

In North Carolina, basketball is a big deal.

As is picking a university to side with... Duke, Carolina, NC State, Wake Forest, just to name some of the top choices.

So, Daniel, (almost 3) is in early training for a full ride.
We are holding out loyalties for whichever school gives him that scholarship.

Time to put on that game face, Daniel.

Your future fans are depending on you :-)

Fun on wheels.

2011-05-17T08:28:00.002-04:00

It's Complicated.

2011-05-11T10:08:00.003-04:00

I have actually written a few posts, and never posted them. I'm kind of in a weird place in life right now, having an overload of changes, thoughts, contemplating the past and future... living in the present.

It's hard to write posts about the mundane, when so much of my life is not mundane right now. However divulging details of our life in a public format is currently not possible. So much revolves around our involvement with foster care and Daniel's biological family. I will say God has done some great works in our lives and relationships in these areas. We have put our big van to GREAT use over the past few months :-)

So, for a basic update on the less complicated happenings...

~ Lauralyn lost her first tooth about 10 days ago! My baby girl is growing up.

~ New bikes all around! Daniel was given a 12" bike from a friend who had an extra, replacing the little bike that finally broke beyond repair. We got Lauralyn a 20" bike which allowed Kristin to take on Lauralyn's 16". Mr. F was also given a bike by our neighbors, so let's just say if you are driving down our street, watch out for the Haut Biker Gang.

~ We are just days away from being done with our homeschool year! We will continue schooling over the summer months with reading and math so that no review will be needed come the start of Lauralyn's 1st grade and Isaac's 3rd grade year.

~ We have LOTS of trips planned this summer, taking full advantage of having a 3 year old as our youngest. Three camping trips are already planned with our good friends, as well as a trip to visit family in MD. Oh, and two weeks at the beach!

~ Noah built a fabulous tree fort for the kids last weekend with the scrap wood we had. I have a talented and amazing husband.

~Isaac is halfway through his baseball season. This season he is a D.T. Firecracker.

~ It's been a beautiful spring with much of our time spent outdoors. Unfortunately, the mosquitoes made there appearance this week. BOO. Time to break out the bug spray. Yuck.

I do have pictures to post on much of what I mentioned above. I'll post them soon.

Truths to live by.

2011-04-20T21:20:00.002-04:00

Deuteronomy 31:8
The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

James 1:17
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

Isaiah 66:13
"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you," says the Lord.

Psalm 55:22
Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.

John 16:33
Jesus said, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

John 14:27
Jesus said, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

Psalm 119:76
May your unfailing love be my comfort, O Lord, according to your promise.

1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on God because he cares for you.

Isaiah 41:10
"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand," says the Lord.

John 14:1
Jesus said, "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me."

James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

Psalm 32:8
"I will counsel you and watch over you," says the Lord.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 16:33
The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord.

Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Isaiah 40:11
The Lord tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young.

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by His grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.

Psalm 54:4
Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me.

Psalm 100:5
The Lord is good and His love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations.

Jeremiah 29:11
"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Hebrews 10:36
You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised.

Galatians 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

I Corinthians 15:58
Stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

Isaiah 30:19
How gracious God will be when you cry for help! As soon as He hears, he will answer you.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

"Dear Refuge of My Weary Soul"

2011-04-02T16:48:00.004-04:00

There is no good video of this song...
I highly recommend downloading it if you don't have it already.
This is one of my favorite songs.

Dear refuge of my weary soul,
On Thee, when sorrows rise
On Thee, when waves of trouble roll,
My fainting hope relies
To Thee I tell each rising grief,
For Thou alone canst heal
Thy Word can bring a sweet relief,
For every pain I feel

But oh! When gloomy doubts prevail,
I fear to call Thee mine
The springs of comfort seem to fail,
And all my hopes decline
Yet gracious God, where shall I flee?
Thou art my only trust
And still my soul would cleave to Thee
Though prostrate in the dust

Hast Thou not bid me seek Thy face,
And shall I seek in vain?
And can the ear of sovereign grace,
Be deaf when I complain?
No still the ear of sovereign grace,
Attends the mourner's prayer
Oh may I ever find access,
To breathe my sorrows there

Thy mercy seat is open still,
Here let my soul retreat
With humble hope attend Thy will,
And wait beneath Thy feet,
Thy mercy seat is open still,
Here let my soul retreat
With humble hope attend Thy will,
And wait beneath Thy feet

©1998, Kevin Twit Music.

Forever Friends

2011-03-27T08:49:00.006-04:00

Friendship. God's gift to us as we voyage through life.

I have friendships that I treasure oh so much. Honestly, life wouldn't be much fun
without a few soul-mates with which to celebrate, laugh, cry, and get through the
mundane moments in our days.

I am blessed to call Jessica one of my closest, dearest friends.
She is one of the few people I feel comfortable enough to truly be myself around...
she GETS me.

So, imagine how awesome it is to see my kids have such close bonds to her kids.
They are so natural around each other that you would think they are all in the
same family. We spend every Friday at their house, and with the nice weather,
that means lots of outdoor play time. Ten kids, two moms and lots of memory
making. It doesn't get much better than this.

For My Homeschool Friends

2011-03-19T16:39:00.002-04:00

In the midst of a busy weekend, I stumbled upon a fantastic homeschool blog. The woman who authors the blog (Carletta) is smart and gifted with wisdom! She's not afraid to speak the truth, and I admire her a great deal from what I have read thus far.

If you have a minute, or need a great go-to resource visit her here:

Two Princesses

2011-03-13T09:32:00.004-04:00

This post is made with Nanut in mind... Nanut is not only a fabulous grandma to my kids, she is also a dedicated and talented seamstress. A while back, she requested some pictures of her creations in action.

Now, if truth be told, Lauralyn has sadly fallen out of the princess phase, and in her own words, "I'm into being 'cool' now." Naturally, according to her, princesses are not cool. *sigh*

I told her too bad, she was going to be a princess for a photo shoot, and the beautiful dress Nanut made her will get worn to a formal event at some point hopefully. Thankfully, little sister, Kristin, thoroughly enjoys being a princess and was much more cooperative. (Secretly, I think Lauralyn still likes being a princess... just don't tell anyone.)

Nanut, I hope you love these pictures as much as I do! (Let me know which ones you want in print).

A New Day

2011-03-09T09:53:00.002-04:00

I'm so glad I can have a fresh start each day. Yesterday was a fairly challenging day all around. But it ended well with a decent home-cooked meal, and 4 crazy kids + 1 crazy Daddy dancing in the kitchen to Mumford and Sons. Also, Mr. F, (our foster son) is showing some GREAT progress in school. I am incredibly proud of him.

Today looks like it will be a good homeschool day... math, writing, spelling, reading, and then off to the homeschool P.E. class at our YMCA. My mom takes the little ones to the library hour and keeps them for some "Granny Time," until I get back from the P.E. class.

If anyone out there is considering homeschooling, and read my post yesterday, please don't let me scare you away from educating your kids at home! There are moments that bring me to my knees, but overall, homeschooling has been an incredible journey. The rewards have been endless.

Thanks for the comments and emails I received. Such an encouragement :-)

The Battle

2011-03-08T12:39:00.004-04:00

This morning, I have fought a battle.

It was ugly.

All at once the weight of responsibility fell upon my heart... and I felt defeated.

Caring for my children. Keeping the house from being a total disaster. And what sent me over the edge was the realization that I, and I alone, am completely responsible for my kids' education.

I am not a teacher.

I never went to college with the goal of learning how to educate.

In fact, for many years I have said that being a school teacher would hands down be one of the worst jobs I could think of. (God bless the people called to teach).

And here I am failing my kids. Or at least I FEEL like I'm failing.

What set me off?

Isaac doesn't understand WHY we have to borrow in subtraction. He can do subtraction problems that requires "borrowing" all day long correctly... he just can't tell me WHY we borrow.

And I don't know HOW to explain this. I understand in my mind WHY we have to borrow in subtraction, but can't figure out how to make him understand.

He knows many of his times tables, but I doubt he understands multiplication (he can tell you 9x3=27, but can't tell you why 9x3=27).

AUGH. I was not trained to do this! And maybe his ability to understand the WHYs will come with age and concept building. I don't know.

He is only in second grade. What will happen when he gets to be in 6th grade, or high school for that matter? And then I have at least 3 more kids to teach all 13 grades after him. This is a DAUNTING task.

Yet, so many homeschool moms make it look easy. Rarely (if ever) have I read a blog on how scary homeschooling can be, how frustrating or challenging. Is it fear of judgment? Am I the ONLY one who struggles?

Honestly people, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my kids. This is the biggest reason I'm homeschooling... I LOVE them so much I WANT to spend oodles of time with them, and I want to be the one to teach them. BUT HOLY COW this is HARD.

What if I screw up? What if I warp them emotionally or make them dumb?

What if I FAIL? There is no going back.

The thought of traditional school is so very tempting at times. Maybe I would have more time with my pre-schoolers. Maybe I wouldn't struggle so much to keep the house clean, or cook decent meals. Maybe I wouldn't lose my temper as much, or maybe my kids would argue less.

Isaac cried right along with me (there I go warping my kids) as I blubbered about my inability to do anything well. He proclaimed he loved me and that I was the best mom ever. Then he proceeded to clean the living room to make me smile.

At least my kids will never have the illusion of their mother being perfect.

Lord, help me!

And He does.

You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted;
you encourage them, and you listen to their cry.
Psalm 10:17

The Lord you God is with you,
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

The God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ,
after you have suffered a little while,
will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
1 Peter 5:10

"Do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand,"
says the Lord.
Isaiah 41:10

Jesus said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
2 Corinthians 12:9

Oh, such beautiful words from scripture. Balm to my weary heart.

Lord, please show Your power to my children through my weakness. In all that I do, never let me cause my children to stumble. Help me to put my hope alone in You. Because of Your great love I am not consumed, Your compassions never fail.

Be confident of this, that God who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Philippians 1:6

I've been...

2011-03-05T21:43:00.004-04:00

... enjoying the spring-like weather with LOTS of playing outdoors.

... loving my family, even if they occasionally drive me batty.

... being grateful for my crazy husband.

... shopping at Aldi's more and Wal-mart less.

... doing taxes.

... day dreaming.

... thanking God for my neighbor, Miss Deb, and her grands and great grands that have become such good friends to our kids.

... excited that our relationship with Daniel's birth siblings, cousin, and Grandma has grown in leaps and bounds.

... not blogging (obviously).

... putting together a fun care package for missionary friends in India.

... sad at the thought of our dear friends leaving us in 17 months to go to love the people of Africa... our loss, Africa's gain.

... appreciating some incredible friendships. Being able to be honest about life. Not fearing judgment.

... wondering what God has planned for our foster son.

... not caring who wins the Duke vs. Carolina game on TV.

... considering public pre-school for Kristin next year, for several reasons, mainly revolving around her speech delays.

... thinking about selling/donating my mini-van, but reluctant because I'm so sentimentally attached.

... trying to get motivated to start taking pictures again... a new camera might help. (Free with credit card points of course).

... educating all 5 of my children (officially only 2).

... thinking about camping trips for this spring/summer... no diapers= more adventures as a family.

... hoping next year we are back to having diapers in the house. (A mama can hope, right?)

... thankful for this wild life I live and looking forward to where God takes us next.

Things

2011-02-21T21:45:00.003-04:00

This time of year is difficult, although we have had a wonderful reprieve from the bitter cold we experienced. Sickness lasted a full month in our house. Noah was sick for a solid 2 weeks... I have never seen him so ill. Thankfully, Daniel and myself managed to only catch colds, and mild ones at that.

I haven't been much about blogging these days as you can tell. I have always been one for being honest about life in general on my blog, but lately the thoughts and challenges we have faced... well, let's just say it isn't always becoming to air one's dirty laundry. In addition, I suppose I fear backlash, judgment, etc.

What it comes down to is the simple fact that raising and homeschooling several youngsters is HARD. Fostering a teenage boy is HARD. And by "hard" I mean wishing-pot-was-legal-hard, or daydreaming-about-sending-the-kids-to-daycare-and-school-and-working-at-McDonalds-hard.

I hate the thought that if I make any mention of the challenges of our life choices, I will be shut down with the blunt statement, "Well that's what you asked for, isn't it?"

I am blessed with supportive friends who make me feel like I am not a bad person for having a hard time on occasion. Because let's face it, just because we are trying to be obedient to God's calling in our lives does not mean we will have an easy road to travel. Obedience often means suffering and trials. It leaves us more vulnerable to attack from the Enemy. Which leads to clinging to God's mercy and help more than ever.

So, that's were I am right now. It's not ALL that bad, but after a day like today, wow. It makes me so thankful that tomorrow is a new day!

His mercies are new each morning! (And I am seriously praying for a better day tomorrow.)

P.S. I haven't taken any pictures lately, and it's been a good break from my camera. I do intend to have a princess photo shoot with my girls in the near future, which will be fun (Lauralyn got a special dress for her birthday made by Nanut). Just gotta carve out some time and a location to do it.

P.P.S. I am trying to quit something... it's a terrible, terrible addiction. Facebook. I am one day "clean" as of today, and it feels great! No withdrawals! I won't be shutting down my account because I use it for emailing on occasion. But I am trying to not sign on other than communication purposes. My kids have reprimanded me for "rotting my brain" on the computer (which is so often FB), so I must show them that I can quit! Now if I could quit my FoxNews.com addiction...

A Dream

2011-02-06T17:18:00.005-04:00

I have been reading the Little House on the Prairie series out loud to Isaac and Lauralyn...
we are on the second book.

Such great books! Sometimes, I have to stop myself from reading ahead.

And do you know what?

My re-occurring life dream has popped back into my head as I read these books about unsettled, open land.

I dream about living in the middle of nowhere.

Where I can't see any neighbors from my house.

Where I can have horses, and chickens... maybe a goat or two.

A big garden, and the ability to can and freeze lots of vegetables.

A place where my children can run free, where we don't ever feel confined.

Where I can hop on a horse and just GO.

BUT, then I think about missing family and friends. Our church.

Then I ponder thinks like rattle snakes, and scary wildlife.

Driving an hour to get groceries.

No form of income for us out in the boonies.

Then the moment slowly leaves, and my urge for escape fades.

But if given the chance... I'd probably give it a go... because sometimes you just need to live out a dream.

(Photos are all of property for sale out west... the only place big land is still fairly affordable because it is literally in the middle of nowhere.)

Weebeasties, be GONE!

2011-02-03T00:57:00.002-04:00

13 days.

The past 13 days have been filled with sickness, and there is no end in sight.

First Mr. F, then Lauralyn, Kristin, Isaac, and Mr. F (AGAIN), and now Noah.

Daniel has been fighting a low grade temp on and off. Fight, son, fight!!

Whatever this illness is, it is a BEAST. I not-so-fondly call it, "Never Ending Sickness."

Lauralyn battled a fever for 9 days. NINE days!

Kristin is on day 7. And is just as bad, if not worse than day 1. Temps up to 104.

Isaac looks like he may be on the mend and end his illness on day 6 or 7 (yay, Isaac!).

Four doctors visits thus far. Insanity.

And now Noah.

Lord, make him well!

For my sake, of course. Because, as you know, a sick husband in addition to sick children is simply forbidden.

Lord, please, please, please, keep ME well. Cheap wine is germ fighting, right? 'Cause I'm going to drink a lot the next few days... just kidding. Maybe.

A year ago.

2011-01-28T20:42:00.006-04:00

A year sure can blow by in a hurry.
Looking back at past photos, I realized I took these pictures exactly a year ago.
My babies are growing too fast.

Such sweet memories I have being able to spend so much time with my children.
While there are days I seriously want to break out the duct tape,
most of the time, I cherish the time spent with the kids.

I hope they grow up seeing the value of being there for one another...
even when times are a challenge and frustrations peak.
We are tightly knit.
In years to come, I hope our children see their siblings as a precious resource.
That they will be able to lean on one another for support and enjoy each others
company in friendship.

I hope someday, they look back and smile at the memories we made together.

Six

2011-01-26T08:19:00.004-04:00

How is it possible my baby is 6? I still have a hard time believing it, and it's almost been a week since her birthday.

Yes, I'm sure my disbelief will be a common theme with all my kids' birthday posts. It just goes by so fast!

For me, age 6 is sort of a "coming of age" year... I remember a lot from when I was six.

As a parent, I am realizing how Lauralyn is a person, with her own thoughts and ideas, tastes and preferences, traits and quirks. This sounds silly, but with younger kids you forget that some day (soon) they will be adults and have their own life. I am so much a part of their life when they are little, it's hard to separate them from myself... I see them as extensions of me, rather than their own being. Does this make any sense at all to you other moms?

And with Lauralyn, she looks so similar to my childhood pictures, I must remember she is not at all a mini-me. She is totally different, and thank God for that! Her uniqueness is a gift and I look forward to see how God uses her specific traits and talents.

Currently, Lauralyn LOVES the Littlest Pet Shop toys... which I would have probably loved too if they were around when I was a kid. She jumps at any opportunity to make a craft, and has been making love notes for Noah and I, and placing them on our pillows. One set of love notes even had a few coins taped on the inside... maybe a tip for our services as parents. :-)

Lauralyn is the big sister of the family, and she is well suited for this role. She cares for Daniel so well, that he actually prefers Lauralyn to get him in pajamas at night. When I am busy around the house, or leave the kids with a sitter, I simply tell Daniel to go sit in his big sissy's lap. She hold him tight, and is the perfect little assistant mama.

I love taking Lauralyn to the store with me. She is a great shopping partner. The other day while in Walmart, we were discussing how we both wish we had an itty bitty baby to love on... she said, "I want a baby girl, though, not a boy." When I asked her why, she said, "Because a baby girl won't pee in my face." HA! That wasn't answer I was anticipating, but a logical answer none the less.

We are trying to scale down birthday celebrations to make them more about building relationships than inviting the masses. Lauralyn wanted to do a "craft party" this year, so thanks to the clearance aisle, I bought canvas shoes and visors, and broke out the good ol' puffy paint. It was a little messy, but I think the girls had fun.

I went old school with the treat bags, too, and had them decorate a brown paper bag. Classic.

Since there were only 6 little girls total, I went to the Fancy Pastry that morning and bought a half dozen of their beautiful rose cupcakes. That way each girl got their own flower. ;-)

Six little girls for the afternoon is a breeze! They play so nicely I didn't hardly have to do anything except serve the cupcakes and help with the puffy paint. Such a fun, sweet time.

Happy 6th Birthday, Lauralyn! I hope this year is filled with making sweet memories!

Introducing: "Racketsaurus"

2011-01-23T16:59:00.002-04:00

She is big. She is beautiful. She is an incredible, unexpected, undeserved blessing.

And she has been dubbed, "Racketsaurus" courtesy of Kristin. It is a fitting name considering all the racket that will be taking place within the interior.

God has blessed us with a new-to-us passenger van (and honestly, it has so few miles it is like new).

A gift that has left us speechless. Flabbergasted. Awestruck.

------------------------

Thank you Dad, for this amazing gift. Your support in our endeavors is truly heartfelt, and it means the world to us. All the time, energy and money that went into providing this amazing van... honestly, it has simply left us dumbfounded. We are so excited to no longer be limited by the size of our vehicle, and expect many years of use from the awesome "Racketsaurus."

Bathing Beauties

2011-01-15T13:21:00.003-04:00

I was mad.

Pee on the floor (and not from the 2 year old).

Something else made me madder (I can't remember what).

So I grabbed my camera, and forced myself to smile.

I mean, with these bathing beauties cheesing it up for me... how could I stay mad?

Mama's Hands

2011-01-14T23:03:00.004-04:00

Mama's hands are not graceful or beautiful.

They do not have long nails adorned with a fresh coat of polish.

Mama's hands are cracked, and bleeding. Tired and sore.

Rough, dry, weathered... with tattered cuticles and trimmed short nails.

Thick skinned and worn.

Scarred.

However, they teach, correct, wash, clean, scrub, steer, cook, tickle, type and best of all, hold tight the ones I love.

One phone call.

2011-01-14T21:35:00.004-04:00

One phone call, and a response of, "yes."

That's all it took for my life to change two months ago.

Now I look at my desk, littered with a Guardian ad Litem business card, social worker phone numbers scribbled on a paper, a less than satisfactory Weekly Progress Report (which reminds me to set up a face to face with a teacher), and a barely read school library copy of a Goosebumps book (which I confiscated based on lack of educational or reading value...total drivel). And a charming boy who smiles and laughs, and I can't help but smile too.

Across town, a sweet friend, who has waited and waited and WAITED to hold a new born baby again... holds TWO tiny baby boys.

All it took was a phone call, and the response, "yes!" And in this case, months of waiting and patience, and God's gracious timing.

My dear sister-in-law and her husband sit and wait. Wait for that special phone call... the call that tells them a child is in need. The call that will fill their arms with wiggles and giggles and love.

The phone will ring, and they will say, "yes."

And their lives will forever be changed.

Dear Husband,

2011-01-12T09:36:00.003-04:00

There are days, I admit, that I feel quite alone in my efforts of keeping house and child rearing/educating (note: just because I FEEL that way doesn't make it true). And I apologize for my pity party attitude that flares up on occasion. I suppose being stuck at home due to snow and ice make the 10-11 hours you are gone feel much longer. And the 2 hours you help in the evenings simply don't feel like much.

However, the fact that you are persistent and dedicated to provide for us, and the fact that you do indeed help me when you come home from a long day at work-- doing dishes, disciplining children, cleaning ... this is a gift many women do not know.

And I confess, I may have rolled my eyes at the thought of 5 children stressing you out... mostly because the 5 children are primarily under my care. However, I do not face the stress of the work place, office politics, software updates that cause problems, important deadlines, a boss to please, employees to manage, or the desire to have additional responsibility in order to provide even more for your family. You have taken on the sole responsibility to meet our needs, and I do not give you enough credit or thanks for this challenging task.

I am realizing that my strong faith in God's provision for all our needs is a direct reflection of how well you have provided for our family. I understand ultimately God is our provider, but He has used you as an instrument to provide for me and the children.

HE gives us strength for tomorrow, and for all the days to come. Even when we both are so tired we fall asleep in random places at 8:00 in the evening. I wouldn't trade our "crazy" lives for anything... yearly vacations to St. John, new cars, horses... but with our life, even though the chaos is certain, the blessings are also assured and abundant. As Pastor Chris spoke of, His grace is never ending. We are merely a conduit... the flow will never end.

So, I suppose we are overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with the endless grace and mercy, overwhelmed by God's goodness, and on occasion, overwhelmed by the noise and chaos 5 children bring.

Thank you for your provision. Thank you for your work ethic. And thank you for your efforts to care for and love your family.

With love and gratitude,
Your Wife

Monday Morning Funny

2011-01-03T11:47:00.003-04:00

I haven't written down the funny things my kids say (which is frequent) and I need to get back into recording these gems of comic genius.

This morning, Daniel, upon flushing the toilet after using it:

{waving to the swirling contents} "Bye, bye poopy! I love you!"

Oh, my.

What really had me laughing is that he turned to me and said giggling, "That's funny."

I have a feeling we have a comedian on our hands.

Holiday Highlight Reel.

2011-01-02T19:33:00.002-04:00

Thanksgiving: lovely meal, family, dog sat Sammy, a friend's boxer...

Christmas: 2 lovely meals, presents galore, and more time with family. Oh, and SNOW.

c

Boots

2011-01-01T12:19:00.003-04:00

Is there anything cuter than a 2 1/2 year old boy in his first pair of real cowboy boots?
Cowboy boots that he happens to love... mostly because now he can be like his big brother?

Hands down, it is the cutest thing I've seen all day.

And Kristin is once again being challenged in the "Cutest Kid" catagory...

Farewell, 2010.

2010-12-31T20:52:00.003-04:00

I will soon post some photos of holiday highlights, but for now, Happy New Year!

Here are a few of the highlights from 2010:

Isaac finished 1st grade and started 2nd grade.

Lauralyn started kindergarten and learned how to read.

Kristin managed to be as cute as ever. Oh my word she is cute.

Daniel potty trained!!! Making the Haut House diaper free for the first time since 2003.

Noah murdered his first deer. Doe. A deer. A female deer. Sniff, sniff, boo, hoo. Mmmm, good.

Beth took LOTS and LOTS of photographs. And not just of her children.

Light of Mine Photograph officially took off, and is semi-lucrative.

Jezebel brought a live opossum in the house. Better alive than dead, right?

Daniel climbed lots of things, including the van. He survived the year with no broken bones (thank you Lord)!

Isaac played two seasons of baseball (D.T. Tribe and D.T. Dirtbags) and swam on the swim team.

Lauralyn danced in her first recital and learned how to swim for real, competing her first year on swim team. And learned to ride a without training wheels on her bike.

Kristin. She is just so stinking cute. I mean, I can't see past the cuteness. And she rocks at drawing and puzzle building.

Beth, did her best to stay sane. Better luck next year, right?

Noah worked a lot. And brought home the bacon (yay! for hard working husbands). And the Cadillac demanded new tires, a.c. and steering column for all the miles wracked up going to and fro.

Daniel decided he would challenge Kristin in the cuteness category, but fell short when he took up the habit of poo painting in his crib.

We went to Cherokee with good friends, we went to the beach with family.

Beth, Isaac, and Lauralyn went to Maryland and back via the slowest trains ever.

Noah, Isaac and Lauralyn flew to Texas (in 1/4 of the time it took the train to get the NC from D.C.).

And finally, we became a family of SEVEN, adding a foster son in mid-November! Hence learning all about raising teenagers and dealing with the public school system.

Looking forward to 2011:

Lots of 10 year anniversaries to be had! Ten years since: graduating college, moving to NC, buying a house, and getting hitched!

I admit... hoping for another baby. Maybe this will be the year we go back to diapers? One can hope.

Daniel will turn 3. How is that possible?

Isaac will turn 8. How is that possible?

Lauralyn will soon turn 6 and Kristin will turn 5. How is that possible?

Beth and Noah will turn 32. THIRTY-TWO? How is THAT possible?

Will we say good-bye to Mr. F? Will he stick around a while?

Will we foster more children?

Will Noah shoot another innocent deer?

Will Beth successfully remain semi-sane?

Time will tell. I know God will continue to be with us through whatever is in store. And that, my friends is good news. His faithfulness never ends.

Happy New Year! May your 2011 be blessed!

My Baby Girl Turned 4.

2010-12-26T20:28:00.003-04:00

I know this is a week late.

Last Sunday, my sweet Kristin turned 4 years old.

Shocking to think it has been 4 years!

Kristin is precious to us... really I can't think of words that truly express what she means to me.

I do know for a fact that life would not be a joy-filled without our Kristin.

For her birthday, Noah and I went on a special date to the Salty Caper
and the Nutcracker at Catawba College.

Surprisingly, the Salty Caper was quite welcoming to our girl, giving her pizza dough
to work over at the bar and then made her a special dessert in the shape of a "K."
And we didn't even tell them it was her birthday. Certainly a special evening!

The next day I made the ugliest "Dora" cake EVER to have been created, but Kristin
didn't care. She liked it just fine. I admit I have gotten really slack in my cake
decorating motivation. I hate watching those cake shows where they make amazing
works of art for tens of thousands of dollars, and then people just EAT THEM.
What a waste of time and money! ... sorry, side tracked.

At age 4, Kristin is BIG as always. I can't keep her from outgrowing clothes constantly.
Kristin is in the clothes LL wore last year, which makes Kristin about a year bigger
than Lauralyn in size since they are about 2 years apart.

Speech therapy is coming along. She has a great teacher, and the problem lies in
spontaneous speech and longer phrases. Kristin is a hard worker and I know this will
not always be a problem. I feel badly when people don't understand her, especially
when I can't understand her... how frustrating it must be to not get your point across.

Kristin continues to love Dora the Explorer as you can tell from the presents.
She excels in drawing and putting puzzles together. She loves to dance and sing.
I am slowly starting to teach her some reading skills.
She has interest and will likely pick it up well despite her speech delay.
She wants to "do school" like her big brother and sister.

Astonished the last baby I birthed is 4 years old... however, I am thankful to have these children and love to see them grow and mature.

Happy Birthday, Dear One.

What, me worry?

2010-12-15T09:41:00.003-04:00

I am person inclined to worry. Anxiety about the future can take over, and I can at times become obsessive. It really is a waste of time, and as our pastor reminded us recently, our worry is offensive to God. I was up in the middle of the night last night (thanks to 2 little girls who booted me out of my bed and a head cold that is wreaking havoc on my sinuses), and decided to start re-reading Francis Chan's book, "Crazy Love." I love this book, and will probably re-read it again and again in years to come.

Here is a excerpt straight from Crazy Love, page 42:

"Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives.

Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control.

Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance. They declare our tendency to forget that we've been forgiven, that our lives here are brief, that we are headed to a place where we won't be lonely, afraid, or hurt ever again, and that in the context of God's strength, our problems are small, indeed.

Why are we so quick to forget God? Who do we think we are?

I find myself relearning this lesson often. Even though I glimpse God's holiness, I am still dumb enough to forget that life is all about God and not about me at all."

-- Francis Chan

Have a blessed, worry free, stress free day!

Terrible Blogger

2010-12-13T22:06:00.003-04:00

That's me. I am so slack lately on the blog front.

There are plenty of GOOD reasons for that. Five of whom rely on me to be their mama... one of whom relies on me to be a wife... I'm no expert at either role, but I am hopefully improving at the very least. A work in progress, right?

With the rush of the season of Advent, comes lots and lots of photo orders. A blessing indeed, and a great end to a fall filled with photo sessions. The orders take some brain power on my part, sorting, correctly placing orders with my lab, emailing and calling clients, compiling orders as they come in, (correcting any mistakes made by the lab, ugh) and finally getting them to their respective owners.

God has a way of bringing in money to our bank account right before something major breaks. A MERCIFUL provider our God is... but I am wondering what we are about to replace. I have a feeling Cadillac brakes and a dishwasher may be on that list in the near future. Hopefully nothing more, but things tend to come in threes!

I have lots of catching up to do, but it will need to wait until things quiet down, and school wraps up (this week, yay!). We'll be taking 4 weeks off of homeschool work with exception of reading. Hoping to get some cleaning out accomplished, if I have time. AND blog posts!

On the fostering front... Mr. F is still here. :-) Our hope is that he remains with us until he can move to family out of state. DSS, the GAL, and Noah and I feel this is the best thing for Mr. F at this point (not to mention he desperately wants to stay here). He can visit local family all he wants, but we can help ensure his academic success among other things. We should find out what will happen this week possibly. The not knowing and uncertainty is painful, but par for the course in the foster care world.

Also, for all my fostering buddies and praying friends who read my blog... please pray for a court case on Thurs. that may have a great impact on the future of my foster nephew, who we are praying will sometime soon be our official nephew! Also, that same day, my fabulous MIL will start her 3rd round of chemo... which when complete will mark the halfway point of the treatment!

Hoping your Christmas Season is blessed!

It's almost Christmas... so here's my Halloween post.

2010-12-01T23:53:00.002-04:00

What can I say... life is life. At least I took pictures on Halloween. We will ignore the fact that I am posting them in December.

As a basic update on our fostering... Mr. F has impacted me (and probably the rest of the Haut House) is such an amazing way. Having him here has blessed us... opened our eyes and our hearts once again to a world so close, yet so far from us. We live in a bubble, and Mr. F burst that bubble in a good way.

Please pray for him as Christmas is coming, and he is without his immediate family. We did run into some of his relatives at the Mexican bakery this evening. They are very nice, and it was definitely one of those "God" planned coincidences. Especially since I turned around to go back to the bakery, because of a sudden urge for a new cultural experience :-)

Okay, okay, on to Halloween, Haut style.

Step one: get home from photo shoot an hour before sundown.

Step two: tell kids to figure out what they want to dress up in

Step three: make a quick cat costume for Lauralyn (mascara wiskers and nose, daddy's soccer sock as a tail, tape paper ears on headband)

Step four: find princess dress for Kristin that fits, at least sort of fits

Step five: realize that Daniel's recycled dalmatian dog costume is a perfect match with Isaac's fireman costume (sent my my aunt Georganne, thank you...actually, Kristin's dress is from her too).

Step six: trick or treat our street which only 5 houses participate and then pile into van, drive to the "rich" side of our neighborhood to raid the candy at very nice houses (one of which is literally a castle). BTW, the rich folks give out big handfuls of chocolate, except for the dentist who gives out cheap toothbrushes (note to self: skip dentist's house next year).

Step seven: put sugared up kids to bed

Step eight: eat all the good candy (chocolate) over the next two weeks while children aren't looking

Step nine: keep the rest of the less desirable candy on top shelf to use as occasional bribe... throw it out next Halloween when the new batch of less desirable candy arrives!

For Christmas Funnsies

2010-11-26T01:09:00.004-04:00

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Duh, the Nog is gross. Hot Chocolate... extra chocolatey.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Depends on the gift. Mostly wrapped... the night before Christmas, by Santa herself.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? white. Because the tree I took off my neighbor's curb came pre-lit with white. Yes, he was tossing a surprisingly nice artificial tree. I was just helping reduce landfill waste. And white lights on the house make me think of snow... I do like the big old fashioned colored bulbs, but have yet to acquire any.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Negative. I eat a lot of garlic and onions so my husband probably isn't missing out.

5. When do you put your decorations up? If I am in the mood, the weekend after Thanksgiving.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish? Christmas morning Mimosa... but, I guess that doesn't really count. How about my mum's cranberry bread as a close second.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? Touchy subject... not much to refer to. I suppose our traditional Christmas Eve family gathering was pretty memorable. Also, I remember my mom putting out a new decoration each day, and trying to find what it was... and Christmas morning stockings where my favorite. Which is probably why I spend so much time filling stockings to perfection every Christmas Eve.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? What do you mean? Is there something I should know? Haha. My mom was a kill-joy and never had us believe in the myth that is Santa... and now I am that same kill-joy with my kids. Maybe it has to do with being truthful in everything, and not focusing Christmas on a fictional character.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Sometimes, but sometimes not.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? Let the kids take any ornaments that aren't fragile or sentimental and they cover the mid-section. I take care of the top third with those more breakable ornaments. The bottom tends to be sparse as whatever baby or toddler or dog has there way with the reject ornaments doomed for the lower branches.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Mmmm, depends. I'll take the soft powdery stuff that makes for perfect play and sledding... the snow that melts quickly without much mess a day or so later. I dread icey, nasty sleet like snow.

12. Can you ice skate? If ice skating is like riding a bike, then, yes. If not, then no. I skated as a kid, but it's been a LONG time since I put skates on.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? No. Which is why I shouldn't worry too much about what I get our kids.

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Jesus. Family. Traditions. In that order.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Red and Green Jello cake. Mmmmm.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? We let the kids ages 4 and older sleep by the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve.

17. What tops your tree? A plastic lighted star-like Poinsettia. We bought it our first Christmas at the old Wal-mart. I LOVE it.

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? It is more fun to give as a general rule. Receiving isn't too shabby, either.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? All of the Christmas hymns are fabulous. Handel's Messiah is awesome to listen to, but I like to sing Away in the Manger to the kids.

20. Candy Canes: Yuck or Yum? MMMMmmmmm. Just ask Buddy the Elf... "We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup." But the fruit flavored ones are NASTY.

21 Favorite Christmas Show? Well as for show, I guess I do like to watch the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sing. It almost feels like a guilty pleasure. You can't beat "A Charlie Brown Christmas," or the animated "Grinch." My favorite movie is "White Christmas." Love the dancing and crooning.

22. Saddest Christmas Song? It's gotta be the one about the little boy wanting to buy the pretty new shoes for his dying mother... but he doesn't have much money, yadayada. Not a favorite of mine.

Hope this gets you in the Christmas spirit! Copy and post on your blog if you feel like spreading the Christmas cheer, or humbug, whichever your preference. :-) I got this off It's Almost Naptime, if you care to see her fun list.

Rested and thankful.

2010-11-24T08:35:00.002-04:00

We have gotten into some sort of routine... and the stress of adjusting to a new family member (although temporary) has dissipated. Mr. F is truly a joy to have in our home. I am thankful to have the honor of being his foster mama... and am reminded there are blessings in obedience, even if it is hard work and takes us out of our comfort zone.

Last night, with tears pricking my eyes, I told Noah, "I'm going to be so sad when he leaves." Noah agreed.

But we both know that Mr. F belongs with his family... ideally, he will eventually live with his uncle and aunt in another state. One of Mr. F's sisters is in their care as well. He should grow up with his sister.

Oh, but he will be missed. Right now, we know his stay will at least be until mid-December. And who knows? It may last longer.

Our goal is for Mr. F to leave our home and be able to look back at his stay with a smile on his face. We want him to leave knowing what the love of Jesus looks like. To taste and see God's goodness.

Continued prayer is appreciated, as we wait to see what God has in store.

Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy your family and be thankful for God's bountiful blessings... looking out from where I stand, there is so very much for which to be grateful.

Exhausted.

2010-11-19T22:09:00.001-04:00

We are tired. Exhausted.

I think it's just the adjustment of having a new kid in the house. Just like any new addition... there is a period of learning "the new normal."

There is also the stress of the unknown.

When Mr. F came to us, it was as a temporary placement. Now, we face the possibility of this being a lengthier placement.

Plus, there is a TON of other stuff going on that weighs on this situation. We want what is best for Mr. F... this is all so unfair for him, he is a victim to adults' irresponsibility.

(And my website is broken, and I have a very important photo shoot on Tuesday, thanks to my friend Amber who has connections. So, broken website + important client = me stressing. But it's not life of death, so I shouldn't sweat it, right?)

If you think of it, pray for Mr. F on Monday, which also happens to be his birthday. Hopefully, some answers will be given on that day. This will likely leave Noah and I with some decisions to make. Pray for wisdom and peace all around. We need loads of it.

Seriously, folks... knowing what this child is facing makes me see how incredibly blessed we all are! Incredibly blessed.

Crazy Day

2010-11-15T21:52:00.003-04:00

I dropped off the little ones at Tumble Tots this morning, and as I pulled back into my driveway, I got a call from my social worker. She needed to find a foster placement, and fast.

So, after much talking (and some quick praying), we said, "Yes."

I spent the rest of my day preparing, as our basement needed major cleaning, furniture moved, etc.

He arrived this afternoon. I will call him Mr. F since I can't really post much about him, name included.

Please be praying for us!!

Mr. F will turn 13 in a week. He is so far very pleasant and eager to get to know us. Noah is helping with his homework as I type.

This is supposed to be a temporary foster placement (a month)... so please pray God will enable us to minister to Mr. F in a mighty way, and that we can bless him in his life journey.

The Last of the Color

2010-11-13T00:44:00.003-04:00

I love fall.
It is probably the prettiest of all seasons.
While I favor spring, I can't deny the beauty of the colors fall brings.

However, knowing in another week or two the leaves will be gone...

It's so depressing.

It will get cold.
It will be gray.
It will be dark.
And the only consolation is Christmas... which is then followed by 3 months of cold.

Hmmm. Maybe I need to move further south! St. John would be nice.

But then, there would be no fall leaves in St. John.
So, I suppose I should just go ahead and be thankful for all 4 seasons.
Even if one is unbearably cold. And gray. And dark.

A Pick-Me-Up

2010-11-04T23:38:00.002-04:00

I'm in desperate need of something to cheer me up...
and what's better than looking at pictures of my happy children?
As I recall, there was some bad attitudes and arguing during this afternoon event,
but I'm going to pretend it was all smile and laughter.

These were taken in August. I miss warm weather already.

Sorrow.

2010-11-02T22:43:00.004-04:00

Today, I received news that I truly wasn't expecting...

Just hours after I penned my last post (a few days ago), Daniel's birth mother passed away.

I am heartbroken.

It is difficult to articulate exactly all the emotions I feel.

Maybe if I had never met her, never hugged her, never seen her rock my Daniel as a baby, maybe then it wouldn't be so hard.

We did not have a rosey relationship... after all, during the months Daniel was our "foster son," it appeared we were on opposite sides.

They didn't want their son in foster care or adopted. We didn't want our son in danger or neglected.

His birth mother did love him. That I know.

I listened to her sobs as her parental rights were taken away.

God led me to hug her on the steps of the courthouse after the most difficult day in court. We cried together in our unnatural embrace. She held tightly onto me, as if I was her only friend. I promised to love Daniel, and keep him connected to his brother and sister. I had told her of her need for Jesus. That God was her only way out. She agreed.

That was the last time I ever saw her.

Now there are no more second chances. I pray that God has mercy on her.

I feel great guilt. Could I have done more? I feared endangering my children... that it was best to cut any ties.

She gave our sweet Daniel life. She chose life for him despite a culture that tells woman there is an easy way out. She gave my son the gift of life!

Yet, I cry at the loss of her own. She had lost every reason to try. Bad choices snowballed.

Now I wrack my brain trying to remember every conversation with her. The sound of her voice.

I am determined to keep my promise to her. I will do all I can to keep Daniel's birth siblings in his life. May the Lord open doors to help us keep and grow this very special connection.

......................................

My sweet Daniel, I know your birth mommy loved you. She just didn't know how to get the help she needed. She was blind to what children need... likely because she had never experienced love and stability in her short life. She lived a life of pain. But I know she loved you. The way she rocked you, and tried to console you when you cried. She would always end her visit with the words, "I love you," and plenty of kisses. When she knew her actions had caused her to lose you, she mourned. Her tears were real, and they were for you, my sweet boy. She knew, with us, you are abundantly loved and safe... I hope that brought her a glimmer of peace in her life.

My Big Boy

2010-10-29T22:15:00.004-04:00

Daniel is inching towards that 2 and a half year old mark,
another month and he will be there.

He is my miracle baby.
Although, he corrects me now, and says, "I not a baby, I big boy."
I have determined he is a natural wonder... a genius.
And I'm not bias at all ;-)

His language is taking off in leaps and bounds.
I am amazed at his understanding of so many things... and his memory is uncanny.
He is 95% potty trained which is awesome (not including sleeping hours).

But best of all, he has a wonderful sense of humor.
He makes us all laugh.

His outgoing personality is infectious.
He is possibly the most popular person in our family.
People I don't know at church, say, "Hey, Daniel!" as we walk by...
and Daniel will usually give a cheerful, "Hi!" in return.

Every night before bed, he'll give all his siblings the sweetest hugs and kisses.
Then he climbs into his crib (he has yet to climb OUT of his crib,
even though he obviously could.)
He lays on his back and hands me his blanket and spouts out a quick, "Tuck me in!"
Then after being tucked, "Kiss!" and he wiggles to the side and kisses me through the slats.
A future man of routine, he is incredibly predicable in certain areas.

Daniel LOVES to swing on the tire swing in the front yard.
I believe it may be his favorite activity in life.
He always asks me to swing him high, and "Don't bumpa tree!"

This boy, this incredible child who beat the odds, and survived a horrific start to life...
he is my JOY.

How could we live without him?
My eyes swell with tears knowing God planned for Daniel to be a Haut.
What a gift to us as a family!
What a gift to me as a mama!

And I truly believe God has BIG plans for his future... whatever that may be.

Blind.

2010-10-26T10:29:00.003-04:00

My heart has been heavy lately.
I am increasingly becoming aware of how blind we are in America.
We raise our children to only know great comfort in life...
we strive for more of everything.
And at what cost?

Look around.
Narcissism has become an epidemic.
People are more concerned about tolerance and rights, than good vs. evil.
We live these robotic lives.
Seeking pleasure, seeking wealth, seeking bigger and better things.

How do we teach our children how privileged they are...
that we are wealthier than the vast majority of the world.
That it is an incredible blessing to not be in want, to have food in our bellies,
to have a warm bed.

We are frivolous.
We are idle.
We are lazy.
And the Christian community, the ones who are called to die to self...
we are no different than the world.

The thought of how self absorbed we truly are makes me sick to my stomach.
It make my inner being cry out.

Because there are children dying...
they have never had clean water to drink (and we bathe in clean water).

Because there are young women who have to sell their bodies just to survive...
they have no concept of what it means to be loved or cherished.

Because there are people suffering on levels that we cannot even comprehend.

And most of us (myself included) go along in life as if these people do not exist.
As if they are not real people with real feelings.

What difference are we making in the world?

Sunday our pastor preached on the 5th chapter of Esther, and part of his focus
was the idea of being willing to lay down your life for God's purpose.
In Esther's case, she was literally risking her life to save the Jewish people...
she was willing to give her life for theirs.

Most of us won't face risking our life for the cause of Christ
(at least I hope this is the case).
But in a world of "it's all about ME and MY happiness,"
aren't we just as responsible for giving up our lives for Christ?

I wrestle with spending money on anything that isn't a true need.

Is my vacation more important than children without a home?

Is my new van more important than supporting a missionary who is reaching people in need?

Are we supposed to be prudent with our money and have a trusty savings account to lean on,
or do we put our complete trust in God's provision?
This is such a challenge for me.

I know scripture tells me it is a gift from God to enjoy His blessings.
There is no shame in appreciating God's gifts.
There is a balance, however.

What I do know is clear:

We are abundantly blessed to be middle class Americans.

We, as Christians, are to serve others in Christ's name... to the point of giving up one's life (figuratively or literally).

The money in our hands is not our own.
We are accountable to God for each penny spent.

God wants me to be holy, even if it costs me happiness and creature comforts
(as hard as that is for me to say).

May God give us wisdom as we seek His will.

Are you running a day care?

2010-10-25T22:02:00.005-04:00

I am pretty sure whenever my friend, Jessica and I get together, it appears we are running a day care. Two adult ladies and 10 kids ages 7 and under. Yup, I guess that is sort of like a day care.

I joked that we need one of those ropes with the handles for kids to hold onto so that when we go places we aren't quite the mass herd of excited children. It actually might really help if we had one... because our four eyes can only watch so many things at one time, and two children in our crew tend to wander off without a second thought.

We have fun none the less! And the kids did too. Here is our latest adventure to Dan Nicholas Park.

I will also mention that I must be getting old because the merry-go-round about made me want to barf... I had to put my camera on auto, close my eyes and hope for the best.

The Business of Being Busy

2010-10-17T14:24:00.003-04:00

I admit it. I have neglected the blog lately.

What, with sustaining 4 kids, keeping the house from being a total disaster, homeschooling, baseball, church activities AND my photography business.

Life leaves little free time.

Really, our week days are filled. No room for any additional commitments or activities.

Once baseball finishes in a few weeks, life will settle a little in the evenings.

This is the time of year the photo sessions come rolling in... such a blessing. Weekends are booked.

My in-laws leave tomorrow after a lovely visit. Perfect weather... healthy kids.

Please pray for my MIL, as she starts chemo this week for a chronic form of leukemia.

We are hopeful a full remission will occur!

I'll try to get some posts up in the next week or so.

Family Photos!

2010-10-10T09:21:00.002-04:00

We haven't had family photos taken since my friend, Leah, took them in May of 2007. I was bummed when Leah moved away later that year.

Last year, Noah and I met photographer Bert Reed at a wedding, and I immediately fell in love with his style. He does a fantastic job with weddings... how I wish I could go back in time to have him shoot our wedding. Even then, we got married before digital took over film, and editing technology was not really that great. Such is life.

Noah spoke my love language when he agreed to pay Bert to do our family photos this year, and it was money well spent. Bert's style is different than mine, which is a good thing... I wanted something different from what I would do!

It took me months of planning. After all, if I was going to spend money on a photographer, the wardrobe would have to be perfection. My incredible mother in law helped greatly by designing and sewing the girls' dresses (I helped some with fabric choices) and well as the boys' ties. Isaac and Noah wore suits that they already owned, but I did by Daniel's off ebay. Noah's tie was purchased on etsy and my dress happened to be one I bought for the wedding were we met Bert.

Another big stress reliever was a friend who knows how to do a fantastic up-do. Rachel really did great with my hair, and it made all the difference for me since I have no control over my mane.

So, yay! We have family photos that should last us until another Haut joins our crew! They turned out great, and I am having a hard time deciding what to print and hang.

Nine Years.

2010-10-07T21:11:00.004-04:00

Yesterday, we celebrated 9 years of marriage.
Nine years.
How am I old enough to have been married that long?

Well, it's been nine years full of experiences...
joy, sorrow, laughter, frustration...
but best of all LOVE and the blessings that God has given
in abundance (4 of which are mighty cute).

After months of preparation we finally had our photo shoot with Bert. Nanut (Noah's mom) did
an incredible job sewing the girls' dresses and the boys' ties. My friend, Rachel, did a beautiful
job on my hair. More photos to come...

This Past Week.

2010-10-03T08:36:00.004-04:00

This past week was an "off" week for us. It took 6 full days for that virus to be out of the house... it started with Daniel last Sunday, made it's way to Kristin, then Lauralyn, and ended with Isaac, who was back to normal by yesterday afternoon. Thankfully, it was not an unbearable illness... just a fever and the older two had irritated throats.

Isaac is so sweet when he is sick. Wanting to hold my hand, wanting me to read to him and wrap my arms around him while he rests. I told Noah about this, saying it would only be another few years and he won't be interested in snuggling up to mama anymore. Before I know it, he will be a man with a life of his own. Ahhh! The thought makes me want to cry. But, in my heart, I know our job is to raise these little people to be big people, and Lord willing, they will be big people who contribute to society and carry on a legacy of loving and serving God.

All the same, I told Noah he needs to visit his mother more often! Because if my son moves away and has a family, I really really hope he won't forget about his dear old mom who held him when he had a fever.

I'm going to brag on my son for a second, as he did 2 things this week that made me realize we are not complete failures as parents.

First he knocked Kristin to the ground accidentally (while swing from a tree) and immediately went to her and picked her up apologizing, asking her forgiveness, and made sure she was not hurt. My mouth fell to the floor. For years I have been drilling into him what he needs to do when he hurts someone (usually he will just be defensive and say, "Well she shouldn't have been in my way," etc. etc.). This was the first time he actually showed compassion and apologized sincerely without being prompted. He has apologized in the past just giving lip service to not get in trouble. I was so very proud of him for correcting his mistake, and told him as such.

Then last night, we were going through the Netflix instant queue and I told Isaac, "Oh, look, I forgot that I put these movies about jets and race cars on the list for you to watch." To which Isaac responded, "I saw them, but I didn't know if they were appropriate for me." Wow. I am not only amazed at his use of vocabulary, (of course I probably say "that's inappropriate" at least once a day), but the fact that Isaac desires to be obedient in this area warms a parent's heart! We told him how much we appreciated him being guarded in what he chooses to watch on TV.

And I'll end with the funniest quote of the week:

While riding in the car, Lauralyn blurts out (I'm sure in response to something Isaac said), "Daddy said 'Don't say WIENER in front of girls!'"

Which Noah did say sort of, but it was more of a lecture on being appropriate in front of girls.

Can you tell we have a 7 year old boy ... and a 5 year old girl who likes to make her mom squirm in the house? Potty talk is a big topic around here... it's no wonder Isaac can correctly use the word "appropriate" in a sentence. :-)

Aloof.

2010-10-01T11:52:00.002-04:00

Sorry to have been so absent from blog posting.

I have had lots going on... thoughts swirling in my head on several things that are sort of not bloggable... at least in detail.

Thoughts about adoption. Where God may or may not open doors. Wondering how (and if) God will grow our family.

Wrestling with judgment. Wrestling with hypocrisy. Wrestling with anger. Wrestling with defensiveness.

Dealing with old feelings that haven't changed in decades. Wondering if they will ever change. Seeing things through "adult" eyes does not seem to be helping. The opposite, really.

Wishing I could go back in time. Erase mistakes. You know what they say about hindsight.

Knowing God uses everything for good, for those that love Him. And yet, still not being okay with how he has gotten me from point "a" to point "b". Even if I truly am thankful for point "b."

Considering what is best for my children. Hoping I can protect them. Knowing only God can fill that role.

Sick kids. Two day virus (the non puking kind thankfully.) It's that season. And for some reason, it's the one thing my kids have no problem sharing with one another.

Homeschooling. Being busy in general. Chasing a 2 year old who has the propensity for getting into everything.

Waiting. Watching. Wishing. Punctuated with moments of laughter and joy. And peace.

The Comedian

2010-09-22T08:07:00.001-04:00

There's gotta be one in every family, right?

Fall Ball

2010-09-21T23:37:00.003-04:00

Game one of a dozen or so...
No more C-ball (coach pitch).
Now onto the pitching machine (safer than a 7 or 8 year old pitching).
I admit, I REALLY enjoy Isaac playing baseball...
and it's not just because he's adorable in his uniform.

Noah was the first base coach, which left me to tend to the other three little fans.
They were surprisingly good considering we were there for a solid 3 hours.
And the first game was a solid win!

Go D.T. Dirtbags!
Yes, that is really their team name :-p

To open my eyes...

2010-09-21T09:58:00.001-04:00

... and see this sweetest silhouette upon waking...

... makes my day.

I love my precious snuggly baby.