My Big Boy

Daniel is inching towards that 2 and a half year old mark,
another month and he will be there.

He is my miracle baby.
Although, he corrects me now, and says, "I not a baby, I big boy."
I have determined he is a natural wonder... a genius.
And I'm not bias at all ;-)



His language is taking off in leaps and bounds.
I am amazed at his understanding of so many things... and his memory is uncanny.
He is 95% potty trained which is awesome (not including sleeping hours).

But best of all, he has a wonderful sense of humor.
He makes us all laugh.



His outgoing personality is infectious.
He is possibly the most popular person in our family.
People I don't know at church, say, "Hey, Daniel!" as we walk by...
and Daniel will usually give a cheerful, "Hi!" in return.



Every night before bed, he'll give all his siblings the sweetest hugs and kisses.
Then he climbs into his crib (he has yet to climb OUT of his crib,
even though he obviously could.)
He lays on his back and hands me his blanket and spouts out a quick, "Tuck me in!"
Then after being tucked, "Kiss!" and he wiggles to the side and kisses me through the slats.
A future man of routine, he is incredibly predicable in certain areas.

Daniel LOVES to swing on the tire swing in the front yard.
I believe it may be his favorite activity in life.
He always asks me to swing him high, and "Don't bumpa tree!"



This boy, this incredible child who beat the odds, and survived a horrific start to life...
he is my JOY.

How could we live without him?
My eyes swell with tears knowing God planned for Daniel to be a Haut.
What a gift to us as a family!
What a gift to me as a mama!

And I truly believe God has BIG plans for his future... whatever that may be.

Blind.

My heart has been heavy lately.
I am increasingly becoming aware of how blind we are in America.
We raise our children to only know great comfort in life...
we strive for more of everything.
And at what cost?

Look around.
Narcissism has become an epidemic.
People are more concerned about tolerance and rights, than good vs. evil.
We live these robotic lives.
Seeking pleasure, seeking wealth, seeking bigger and better things.



How do we teach our children how privileged they are...
that we are wealthier than the vast majority of the world.
That it is an incredible blessing to not be in want, to have food in our bellies,
to have a warm bed.



We are frivolous.
We are idle.
We are lazy.
And the Christian community, the ones who are called to die to self...
we are no different than the world.

The thought of how self absorbed we truly are makes me sick to my stomach.
It make my inner being cry out.

Because there are children dying...
they have never had clean water to drink (and we bathe in clean water).



Because there are young women who have to sell their bodies just to survive...
they have no concept of what it means to be loved or cherished.



Because there are people suffering on levels that we cannot even comprehend.

And most of us (myself included) go along in life as if these people do not exist.
As if they are not real people with real feelings.



What difference are we making in the world?

Sunday our pastor preached on the 5th chapter of Esther, and part of his focus
was the idea of being willing to lay down your life for God's purpose.
In Esther's case, she was literally risking her life to save the Jewish people...
she was willing to give her life for theirs.

Most of us won't face risking our life for the cause of Christ
(at least I hope this is the case).
But in a world of "it's all about ME and MY happiness,"
aren't we just as responsible for giving up our lives for Christ?

I wrestle with spending money on anything that isn't a true need.

Is my vacation more important than children without a home?

Is my new van more important than supporting a missionary who is reaching people in need?

Are we supposed to be prudent with our money and have a trusty savings account to lean on,
or do we put our complete trust in God's provision?
This is such a challenge for me.

I know scripture tells me it is a gift from God to enjoy His blessings.
There is no shame in appreciating God's gifts.
There is a balance, however.

What I do know is clear:

We are abundantly blessed to be middle class Americans.

We, as Christians, are to serve others in Christ's name... to the point of giving up one's life (figuratively or literally).

The money in our hands is not our own.
We are accountable to God for each penny spent.

God wants me to be holy, even if it costs me happiness and creature comforts
(as hard as that is for me to say).

May God give us wisdom as we seek His will.

Are you running a day care?

I am pretty sure whenever my friend, Jessica and I get together, it appears we are running a day care. Two adult ladies and 10 kids ages 7 and under. Yup, I guess that is sort of like a day care.

I joked that we need one of those ropes with the handles for kids to hold onto so that when we go places we aren't quite the mass herd of excited children. It actually might really help if we had one... because our four eyes can only watch so many things at one time, and two children in our crew tend to wander off without a second thought.

We have fun none the less! And the kids did too. Here is our latest adventure to Dan Nicholas Park.

I will also mention that I must be getting old because the merry-go-round about made me want to barf... I had to put my camera on auto, close my eyes and hope for the best.

The Business of Being Busy

I admit it. I have neglected the blog lately.

What, with sustaining 4 kids, keeping the house from being a total disaster, homeschooling, baseball, church activities AND my photography business.

Life leaves little free time.

Really, our week days are filled. No room for any additional commitments or activities.

Once baseball finishes in a few weeks, life will settle a little in the evenings.

This is the time of year the photo sessions come rolling in... such a blessing. Weekends are booked.

My in-laws leave tomorrow after a lovely visit. Perfect weather... healthy kids.

Please pray for my MIL, as she starts chemo this week for a chronic form of leukemia.

We are hopeful a full remission will occur!

I'll try to get some posts up in the next week or so.

Family Photos!

We haven't had family photos taken since my friend, Leah, took them in May of 2007. I was bummed when Leah moved away later that year.

Last year, Noah and I met photographer Bert Reed at a wedding, and I immediately fell in love with his style. He does a fantastic job with weddings... how I wish I could go back in time to have him shoot our wedding. Even then, we got married before digital took over film, and editing technology was not really that great. Such is life.

Noah spoke my love language when he agreed to pay Bert to do our family photos this year, and it was money well spent. Bert's style is different than mine, which is a good thing... I wanted something different from what I would do!

It took me months of planning. After all, if I was going to spend money on a photographer, the wardrobe would have to be perfection. My incredible mother in law helped greatly by designing and sewing the girls' dresses (I helped some with fabric choices) and well as the boys' ties. Isaac and Noah wore suits that they already owned, but I did by Daniel's off ebay. Noah's tie was purchased on etsy and my dress happened to be one I bought for the wedding were we met Bert.

Another big stress reliever was a friend who knows how to do a fantastic up-do. Rachel really did great with my hair, and it made all the difference for me since I have no control over my mane.

So, yay! We have family photos that should last us until another Haut joins our crew! They turned out great, and I am having a hard time deciding what to print and hang.

Nine Years.

Yesterday, we celebrated 9 years of marriage.
Nine years.
How am I old enough to have been married that long?

Well, it's been nine years full of experiences...
joy, sorrow, laughter, frustration...
but best of all LOVE and the blessings that God has given
in abundance (4 of which are mighty cute).

After months of preparation we finally had our photo shoot with Bert. Nanut (Noah's mom) did
an incredible job sewing the girls' dresses and the boys' ties. My friend, Rachel, did a beautiful
job on my hair. More photos to come...

This Past Week.

This past week was an "off" week for us. It took 6 full days for that virus to be out of the house... it started with Daniel last Sunday, made it's way to Kristin, then Lauralyn, and ended with Isaac, who was back to normal by yesterday afternoon. Thankfully, it was not an unbearable illness... just a fever and the older two had irritated throats.

Isaac is so sweet when he is sick. Wanting to hold my hand, wanting me to read to him and wrap my arms around him while he rests. I told Noah about this, saying it would only be another few years and he won't be interested in snuggling up to mama anymore. Before I know it, he will be a man with a life of his own. Ahhh! The thought makes me want to cry. But, in my heart, I know our job is to raise these little people to be big people, and Lord willing, they will be big people who contribute to society and carry on a legacy of loving and serving God.

All the same, I told Noah he needs to visit his mother more often! Because if my son moves away and has a family, I really really hope he won't forget about his dear old mom who held him when he had a fever.

I'm going to brag on my son for a second, as he did 2 things this week that made me realize we are not complete failures as parents.

First he knocked Kristin to the ground accidentally (while swing from a tree) and immediately went to her and picked her up apologizing, asking her forgiveness, and made sure she was not hurt. My mouth fell to the floor. For years I have been drilling into him what he needs to do when he hurts someone (usually he will just be defensive and say, "Well she shouldn't have been in my way," etc. etc.). This was the first time he actually showed compassion and apologized sincerely without being prompted. He has apologized in the past just giving lip service to not get in trouble. I was so very proud of him for correcting his mistake, and told him as such.

Then last night, we were going through the Netflix instant queue and I told Isaac, "Oh, look, I forgot that I put these movies about jets and race cars on the list for you to watch." To which Isaac responded, "I saw them, but I didn't know if they were appropriate for me." Wow. I am not only amazed at his use of vocabulary, (of course I probably say "that's inappropriate" at least once a day), but the fact that Isaac desires to be obedient in this area warms a parent's heart! We told him how much we appreciated him being guarded in what he chooses to watch on TV.

And I'll end with the funniest quote of the week:

While riding in the car, Lauralyn blurts out (I'm sure in response to something Isaac said), "Daddy said 'Don't say WIENER in front of girls!'"

Which Noah did say sort of, but it was more of a lecture on being appropriate in front of girls.

Can you tell we have a 7 year old boy ... and a 5 year old girl who likes to make her mom squirm in the house? Potty talk is a big topic around here... it's no wonder Isaac can correctly use the word "appropriate" in a sentence. :-)

Aloof.

Sorry to have been so absent from blog posting.

I have had lots going on... thoughts swirling in my head on several things that are sort of not bloggable... at least in detail.

Thoughts about adoption. Where God may or may not open doors. Wondering how (and if) God will grow our family.

Wrestling with judgment. Wrestling with hypocrisy. Wrestling with anger. Wrestling with defensiveness.

Dealing with old feelings that haven't changed in decades. Wondering if they will ever change. Seeing things through "adult" eyes does not seem to be helping. The opposite, really.

Wishing I could go back in time. Erase mistakes. You know what they say about hindsight.

Knowing God uses everything for good, for those that love Him. And yet, still not being okay with how he has gotten me from point "a" to point "b". Even if I truly am thankful for point "b."

Considering what is best for my children. Hoping I can protect them. Knowing only God can fill that role.

Sick kids. Two day virus (the non puking kind thankfully.) It's that season. And for some reason, it's the one thing my kids have no problem sharing with one another.

Homeschooling. Being busy in general. Chasing a 2 year old who has the propensity for getting into everything.

Waiting. Watching. Wishing. Punctuated with moments of laughter and joy. And peace.