Almost Ours... and a new name

For the past several years a little pair of Christmas pajamas (size 12 months) hung in a closet. I had bought them on clearance thinking I may give them away... or maybe I'd have a use for them. The red pajamas have a Christmas present on the front, and states, "Perfect Little Present."

And I had a perfect use for them this year. :-)

With Birthmom's parental rights no longer existing (she did not revoke her relinquishment), we now consider our little Screech Owl to be "almost ours." We will have to wait 4+ months as the courts terminate the rights of an unknown father. Even with the wait, we are now allowed to start calling our Screech Owl by the name we have chosen for him:

Joshua Richard

Joshua (a strong godly man of the Old Testament, like Noah, Isaac, and Daniel) means "God Rescues" and "God is Salvation"

Richard is Noah's middle name, Grandfather's first name, which was passed down from his father. So, Joshua with be the 4th generation with Richard in his name. 

Needless to say, we are very excited!



Can't you tell?



I may finally get my blue-eyed baby...



A beautiful, and perfect little present, indeed.

The Unexpected.

Going to court, we felt peace that things would likely fall on our side... potentially leading to the adoption of our sweet boy. Not that we have ever wished ill on Screech Owl's birthmom. We simply want to keep him safe, knowing she does not have the ability to do so.

We were shocked as we walked out of the courtroom 20 minutes after entering it, knowing Birthmom had made the choice to give Screech Owl a better chance at life. She relinquished her parental rights.

Now, she has until 5:00 on Wednesday to change her mind... and technically, we need to wait until Friday incase she mails in a revocation. So, we wait just a little longer to fully rejoice.

What does this mean for us (assuming she does not revoke her relinquishment)?

Adoption of a son! Giving him a home, a family, a place to belong. A new name. A name, Lord willing, we will start calling him at the end of next week.

Because we have to wait out some other legal issues regarding the paternal side, it will be several more months before the adoption is finalized. My hope is that it can be filed in May, and maybe, just maybe, I will have an extra sweet birthday present. 

God is the giver of unexpected gifts. After so many years of loss and goodbyes, I am in awe of how God has used our pain to bring us a son. A son intended for us since the beginning of time. To God be the glory!

My Helplessness and His Faithfulness.

It doesn't take much to remind me how I am truly helpless. One can put on the facade of empowered, strong, fearless human... but seriously, who are they fooling? As a human race we are weak. Foolish. Stubborn. And helpless.

I'm feeling extra helpless this week, as we are 7 days away from court. Being in that court room reminds me of how helpless I am as a foster parent. Holding my son as his small body jerks out of control during his latest seizure reminds me how helpless I am as a parent. 

By God's grace, His faithfulness is so much bigger than my helplessness. This hymn has been playing over and over in my head today as my heart feels weak and weary from 9 days straight of nursing children with the flu. Court, and my Screech Owl's future, is never far from my thoughts.

I pause to remember God's faithfulness to us through the years of fostering, and parenting...

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;

There is no shadow of turning with Thee
,
Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not,

As Thou hast been,Thou forever wilt be.



Great is Thy faithfulness!

Great is Thy faithfulness!

Morning by morning new mercies I see

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!





Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,

Sun, moon, and stars in their courses above;

Join with all nature in manifold witness,

To Thy great faithfulness, mercy, and love.





Great is Thy faithfulness!

Great is Thy faithfulness!

Morning by morning new mercies I see

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,

Thine own great presence to cheer and to guide;

Strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside.

Great is Thy faithfulness!

Great is Thy faithfulness!

Morning by morning new mercies I see

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!

~Thomas O. Chisholm 1923

To Do (in no particular order)

Read the 4.5 books that sit on my desk. (The irony is not lost on the fact that one of the books is titled Crazy Busy).

Clean my desk. Clean out the piles that sit around my desk on several chairs.

Clean the drawers that were supposed to help me stay organized... get Noah to fix them so they work.

Purge every room in the house. This should be in bold. It will take me forever to accomplish.

Make the master bedroom a place of luxury. Not the baby, child, smelly dog, laundry and clutter room that it is currently.

Blog. I have guilt over my lack of blogging. It is the only record I have of my children, and 2013 is like a blank year. We have done a lot, but you wouldn't know from reading about it here.

Educate the kids. Not panic about not getting it all done.

Figure out what to do about next school year. Not panic about the lack of options.

Renovate the kitchen. Even if just the counters and sink.

Hug my kids more often. Sing to them more often. Tell them I love them more often. Read to them more often.

Back up my computer.

Re-work my website.

Call my aunt.

Write a friend who just lost her baby boy.

Spend more quality time with my husband.

Tell old friends that I haven't forgotten them and that they are precious to me.

Pray with greater frequency.

Write my CBS devotional.

Edit pictures that haven't been finished. Burn Cds.

Figure out Christmas presents.

Enjoy the fall colors before they are gone.

Work on figuring out all the American Heritage Girl stuff (it's way more work than I figured it would be).

Buy new fixtures for the hall shower and hope Noah can install them and stop the leaking... and if not, call a plumber.

Of course the everyday life of a housewife: laundry, some cleaning (Noah knows I'm not great at this), schooling kids, buying food, preparing food, breathing treatments for Baby, constantly thinking about Baby's future, and running around to and fro like a mad woman to the many places we must go to each and every day.

Now... to figure out what I have forgotten to put on my list.

The point of no return.

Six+ months old. 20+ pounds of love.

I love him more than words can express. He is my son.

We have reached the point of no return, where fostering takes on a new light.

He can't leave.

If he does, our hearts will be shattered.

I honestly can't plan my future without him. All my thoughts about our future include him.

Yet, we wait. Adoption is a distant dream.

We are not without hope.

The battle, however, is daily. The battle of trusting He who is perfect, vs. myself, who is simply not God.

May grace and mercy abound.

This.

Adorable, no? Just a little something to show we are still here. As busy as ever, and no slowing down. More to come... eventually.

Back from the Beach

We are back from another successful week at the beach. This year we tried Oak Island, and it was a delightful and very quiet location. We basically had the beach to ourselves, it was about as private as one can get. No second row houses behind us, and empty houses to the left and right of us! Since the cousins didn't make this trip, we brought along Chasity and Chase. Perfect weather, and lots of hours on the sand. 

I'll eventually have time to post photos, but here is the group shot of our kid crew.



Our schedule is INSANE the next couple of months. I spent 2 hours filling in the calendar for the rest of the year, and I'm still not done. Lots of extra curricular activities, lots of new homeschool activities, lots of sports (Isaac and LL are doing year round swim team, Daniel and Isaac will both play soccer, horseback riding for the girls), three camping trips, a mini getaway for Noah and I as we photograph a beach wedding, another fall wedding to shoot, and the list goes on and on. 

Ready or not... the school year starts NOW.

School

I'm sitting here a bit shocked, a bit sick with apprehension, but also feeling confident that God just did a major work to bring us to the conclusion: Isaac and Lauralyn will be homeschooled this year.

I can't believe it. Just days ago, I would have sworn up and down I would NEVER homeschool them again.

Last week, I noticed a change on the school's website where the kids were enrolled. The tuition was raised substantially, and nobody had communicated this to us. Come to find out 3 days later that it wouldn't affect our cost, but what it did affect was our confidence in the school's stability and communication. To have red flags pop up regarding something that is going to cost us a substantial portion of our income... well, it makes a person very uneasy.

So, I rushed to investigate some other private school options, both of which I had ruled out previously for various reasons. And Sunday morning, I was 100% confident we would be sending our kids to one of these schools... and then I talked to my friend Shelly. And the Lord used her words to flip a switch in my heart and mind.

Then I researched, and researched some more. A homeschool co-op seemed like the perfect solution to my problem... so, we will begin school next week while at the beach. Our Mondays and Fridays will have classes with other homeschoolers, and a set amount of work to accomplish over the week before the following Monday. There is accountability to someone other than me! Hopefully, that will hold a lot more weight with both Isaac and Lauralyn. Tuesdays and Thursdays will be spent at CBS in Winston, complete with homeschool classes.

Isaac and Kristin will still receive services through the school system to help with learning differences (speech for Kristin). If there is enough time in the week, Isaac may get additional tutoring in reading and writing if the school is not providing enough.

As the curriculum starts arriving, I am feeling a bit nervous. Teaching 5th, 3rd and 1st grade! This is going to be quite a bit to take on... but I think it will be good. I am setting it up so that we aren't on top of each other all week. That will certainly help. And Mr. Daniel will still attend kindergarten. Goodness knows that will help my sanity level! :-)

Deep breath. I can do this... I can do this... I can do this...

Screech Owl

He has earned his nickname Screech Owl from the shrill happy noises he makes. Such a talker this one. And his belly laughs, so full of joy, not a soul can resist smiling and laughing right along with him. Which makes him laugh all the more. Not yet 4 months old, he popped his first tooth out last weekend.

We wait to see the plan God has for this boy. Waiting. Such is the theme of foster care and adoption.

Out of love we know that should this boy become a Haut, he will have strings attached. It is a difficult choice to make, extending grace to the biological ties. I try to place myself in the shoes of a child mother, abused, neglected, foolish, and without a clear picture of reality. There are consequences to poor choices, but I would like to think that just as grace has been extended to me, we can also act out of love and not selfish desires. I know full well the pain of losing a son.

Continue to pray for all involved as we watch God make beauty out of ashes. We do not know if we will have to say goodbye to yet another child, the only assurance is that we know God has this. Such a relief to place one's confidence in Him. 

Independence Day (July 4th and 5th)

After years of talking about it, we finally went up to Maryland for the 4th of July festivities. Overall, I think everyone had a good time, despite poor Kristin's encounter with sea nettles. The fireworks put on by Grandad's neighbors and other folks around the cove were over the top! I believe the highlight of my trip was a boat ride around Thomas Point Lighthouse, and just some relaxing cruising around areas I so fondly remember as a child. I have many good memories of spending time with my dad and brother on the boat, and it was neat to have my children experience this part of my life.





If there was a competition, Dad would have won the "biggest flags" category. The Maryland flag is the prettiest state flag in my opinion.





As an added treat to our visit, Aunt Georganne was there!



Sleepy Baby Boy on Uncle David's shoulder.



Just some of the fireworks being set up... really, it was amazing.



I would have taken more pictures of fireworks, but that is hard to do while holding a SLEEPING baby and trying to cover his ears.











Sweet Aidan has the most adorable freckles this year! 





Grandad is a trooper. Always willing to swim with the kids or take them boating, or cook them crabs.

Our Kids

Today was a sweet reunion. We had Mr. F visit for the day, and Baby C came to visit for a while with his sweet Aunt, brother, and cousin. I had the rare opportunity to capture a picture of all "our" kids. And Joel's tree is in the background.

It sort of brings tears to my eyes seeing them together. These kids I so desperately wish were together in our home. I understand the impossibility of that wish. But when you love a child as your own, and then they move on... the longing for them to still be with you never leaves. Just as I know if Joel was with us, there would be no Baby C or Baby Boy in our lives... it doesn't lessen the pain of losing him.

Our love has been multiplied over the years. We have been blessed by these children. Trusting God to love and care for them along the way, even when it doesn't go as I would have planned. Trusting His plan is better.

Back to Maryland

On our way to Illinois 3 weeks ago, we sadly had to take a detour to attend my Grandaddy Bob's funeral. We spent just 5 hours or so in Maryland before continuing on our journey to Manteno. 



On the 4th of July, we headed back to the Old Line State. Our first stop (and a very important stop), was at Nana and Grampa Don's, for lunch... and as always, we picked up Ledo's pizza on the way in. For those that don't know, Ledo's pizza is the best. I grew up eating it before it became a big franchised chain. Maybe it will make it's way to NC :-)





The kids were entertained by Charlie (the dog), and a good ol' fashion game of Pick Up Sticks. The same sticks I played with as a kid. Go figure, my kids are entertained by something that is not electronic, miracle of miracles!



And Baby Boy turned on the charm for Nana. Knowing Baby Boy may very well be our last baby (I'm tired, folks), these pictures make me smile knowing I can (Lord willing) always look forward to loving on grandbabies and even great grandbabies in years to come. :-)





We always enjoy our visits with Nana and Grampa Don, even if just for a meal. I wish we could zip up to MD more often... but we have been blessed to spend a week at the beach with them every year.

The Graduate

Kristin is our first child to attend kindergarten, and she graduated in early June! Such a great year with Mrs. Moore and Mrs. Fox. She learned a lot, and I think it was a great experience for her.



At the end of next month, Daniel will begin kindergarten with Mrs. Moore as his teacher! Kristin will be homeschooled (1st grade) by Mom Mom (her name for me).

Isaac finished 4th grade having had a fantastic year in Mrs. Davis's class. Such a sweet group of students.

Lauralyn's 2nd grade school year at home fizzled out early with the arrival of a new needy baby, and completion of her end of year testing in early May.

In August, Isaac and Lauralyn will begin 5th and 3rd grade in the same classroom at New Hope Christian Academy. With the small size, several grades are combined in one class with individualized education. We are hoping for a great experience... it would be awesome if this is the school our children graduate from years down the road.

Here's to no more school bus rides and SMOD (school uniforms)!

5

My younger baby boy turned 5! Half-way to 10!



If I could bottle his energy and persistence, I would be a wealthy woman. Daniel can snap and whistle and does so often. He knows no stranger, and talks to anyone who will listen. This embarrasses his older siblings for some reason. Daniel is known for chit chatting with everyone, even strangers in waiting rooms, policemen waiting in line with us, umpires at soccer games... and lately, instead of saying 'good-bye,' his farewell statement is an exuberant 'adios amigo!' Such a goof ball.



Calculating and quick, you have to be careful what you say within range of his hearing. He keeps you honest and on your toes! He does extremely well with routine and planned activities, but left to his own 'free time' at home, there is always trouble. Whether it's messing with things that he aught not mess with, pestering a sibling, making a huge mess, terrorizing Jackson, or just being WAY TOO LOUD in the house, Daniel is better NOT left to his own devises. I think kindergarten will be good for both him and his mommy. :-)



I still marvel at the miracle that is my son. He is so very smart, so very strong. I am grateful that I am his mommy. He is a wonderful gift... even when he takes a sharpie to my walls.

July 3

So... today's date just hit me. Even though yesterday, Dad called me and reminded me that it was July 2nd, the anniversary of "the call" and meeting Daniel for the first time. Each year he calls to remind me, because he considers it Daniel's "real" birthday. I love that.

I also knew July 3 was coming because this is also a significant day for my friend, Shannon, and she has blogged about it recently.

But a few minutes ago, I heard a siren. It sounded like an ambulance siren, and it was close to our house and suddenly stopped. Our pool is also close to our house, and in a split second, my stomach dropped and I was running outside, making sure there was no ambulance parked by the pool. (My older 2 kids are at the pool right now with Shannon).

A year ago Daniel had his 2nd heat related seizure. That day was such a nightmare. The fear of the "what ifs" still grip me, and instantly prick my eyes with tears.

However, 5 years ago today was a wonderful day. July 3, 2008 I brought home my son from the hospital, and Daniel was welcomed into our family. Isaac was 5, Lauralyn was 3, and Kristin was 17 months old.



Maybe I need to focus on July 3, 2008 when my fears creep in.

Daniel. My amazing little miracle, in so many ways.